i feel like i'm obsessing

and my heart is breaking. and i didn't make it. i just had to hold on to him for a moment...
my life feels like shit right now and all i can do is wait... i'm trying to make a world of excitement for myself but it feels like more of a world of confusion and disorientation.
i am SO FUCKING HEARTBROKEN and it was my own decision to do this. i made the right choice..? but it feels like death.
WHY DO I STILL BELIEVE HIM WHEN HE SAYS HE LOVES ME???