I didn't think it would still hurt...
He's back from his honeymoon. I texted him this morning and asked when he was coming to get his stuff. Told him the water heater broke and the basement was wet. He didn't even ask about it. I went on Facebook and found he had unfriended me. I don't know why - but that really hurt. Then I saw his brother had friended the new wife. His brother who told me they were done with him. That the family was done with his lies. Now they are all friends. Took less time than I thought. I emailed his mother to check on her. No answer. Guess that's done too. She had begged me to stay in touch but I realize it would be ackward to stay in touch if he asked her not to. I had felt validated when his family had supported me when it happened. I knew it wouldn't last forever but 8 weeks and he is back in the fold and she has replaced me. 10 years wirh that family and I feel invisible. Like I faded away. And the pain is back. Just when you think you are making progress.........
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Yes this is very painful, I'm sorry your going through this. Realistically, as I have mentioned a lot, people run in packs. especially family. They go along, to get along. When it comes to this stuff, forget it, better not to make waves, this way everyone is happy.
When she is gone, and I am sure one day she will be, because they say 2nd marriages are even higher rate of divorce, sorry don't know how many times he's been married, but statistics say it's even like 60% likely they divorce within three years, I believe that because I was twice married, my 2nd lasted 3 years.
Anyway, I know maybe none of this is comforting, but I'm trying to paint a picture that, no matter how long you were married, they have all adjusted, it seems. Life goes on and it's not fair while we're here falling apart. It's like a choo choo train going up the hill, saying I think I can, it feels like you will never make it to the top. Because the family we once knew and became to know are gone. No loyalty whatsoever. It makes you become a different person, and I hope somewhere deep down, you don't let this change you to go inward and become bitter, like I did.
Remember there is a good life after divorce, your almost forced to believe this. There is, but it takes time, unfortunately, I am so over being married it's not even funny. Yea I wish I could have been one of the "lucky" ones who got to be married for 20 years but it wasn't in the cards for me, because of the people I chose.
Anyway, I'm not sure any of this is helping, but I sure hope you can find some comfort in knowing that people do care what your going through, and it does get better I promise. hugs.
First, fb has a big flaw. People should be 'contacts' NOT 'friends'.
There is no choice in the use of the term, but you are no longer a contact and no contact really is the way to go. If he wanted his stuff, he would have taken it.
I know what you mean about ex in-laws.... But it is awkward for them. They can't just ignore a new family relationship.
I met my ex bro-in-law after 5 years and he just looks older.
A big part of your life is behind you and it hurts but accepting it isn't easy.
Yes, don't make it worse by being bitter as that is just a small demon that chews on your back.
Why does it hurt?
Because you care!
Someone else is more deserving of your love and right now, it's YOU.
Make a decision to clear his leftovers from your life and whenever you start to brainstorm about him, his wife n ex family, tell yourself it is a waste of your time & love....
You have an opportunity to start a new life with experience and wisdom you didnt have before.
Thank you both. I get strength from the comments from my journals. It makes me realize I am not alone in the struggle to adjust to a new life. And that no matter how alone I feel, others have gone through this and made it out the other side. Writing out my feelings helps too. I'm actually surprised at how much it helps. The kindness of everyone on thus site never ceases to amaze me - and I am so grateful.
You do sound good lonestar, its a journey
And a long hard road. I am still struggling
And if my ex does marry his GF it will hurt
but Not much more than He has hurt me
already.
You were blindsided and really havent had
Much time to adjust yet. Be patient my friend
It takes time and he is a sleeze ball for marrying
So quickly. HUGS
Lonestar, All I can say is hugs. As for facebook, you should be happy that they unfriended, blocked or whatever. I thank my lucky stars that he does not know how to use a computer, really, I am not lying. All of his family have basically dropped out of my life. As for his things, send him a registered letter telling him to pick them up from the garage within 7 days of receipt of the letter or you are going to give everything away or throw them out. No Contact is the way to go. Hugs
24 years with my cheating ex and when she dumped me and left so did her entire family...it sucks but really they do us a favor...the less you see and hear about your ex the better. Block him too on Facebook...and great suggestion on getting his junk. I told my ex she had a week to get her shit I threw in hefty bags or it was getting donated and tossed it all in the garage. These toxic disordered people are better left to fend for themselves.