i am spinning
i don't even know where to begin, it has been a long time since any journaling and these times of late is when i needed to the most.
i have been going through a awful stressful situation with work and scrambling to get hours, the store i transferred to to try grocery with my old boss went to the dump after she was transferred. went from 35 hours a week, to 16, then 8 the 4 and last week 0. i asked awhile ago why, saying i know how it works here and there are usually 2 reasons why this happens, i have a solid work record for 11 years! i was told by the store co manager that the job wasn't suited for me and that i wasn't fast enough. i said how do you expect me to live. i was thrown out there with no training, not knowing where anything is in the store. it had only been about 4 weeks. thank goodness for another store, my former manger at another store got an email saying they needed deli help and he thought of me and i had left that store to go there!! it has saved me these past weeks but they are closing down January 23rd for remodel. i am now again transferred back to the store i ws at and being trained for front end cashier, something i vowed i would never do, i cant stand in one place and the pressure of all the money.... i did find out that a special deli in the store is looking for help but it is afternoon till closing, 12-9:30 or 3-9:30, ugh, wouldn't get home till almost 10 and if i have the 12 shift it is way to long for me. they are very intensce there and expect perfection, i will need a lot of training. said i would do it now thinking twice, i would get the hours i need but to what cost?
with all the hours all over the place my ED is up and roaring, time to eat etc... i am so rigid and the stress of everything has been high causing ed to say don't eat. i have been eating though, as i feel sick after awhile if i don't but not eating well. i haven't had time to walk and i can feel the difference in my body with the stress, i need activity besides work.
my mother is driving me over the deep end, i know she has failing eye sight but she is sucking everyone dry with her neediness, critizing ec=verything you try and do, saying how no one helps, no one brings her shopping, all wrong, then getting on the crying act when you bring up anything. i dread calling, i call 6 out of 7 days and really dread going over on sunday nights, lately with the other store helping with my hours it has had to be another night and i know my mother is pissed. i look forward to seeing dad and bring my dog and he loves her and she lays by his side. i don't know how he does it every single day, doesn't leave her, and he is not living his life, he needs and craves interaction with friends, his buddies and he doesn't get it much anymore. the refuse to get help in
my roof is leaking and my kitchen ceiling is coming down, plus i had expensive plumbing a few weeks ago done and the problem isn't solved, it is an old house and the pipes may be collapsing in the bathroom. i am thinking seriously of selling the house as is but i don't have a lot of equity and i need some to get moving to an apartment and to save. i am so confused, need to keep looking for another job even if i get the hours, struggling in that, stuggling in life
i have been going through a awful stressful situation with work and scrambling to get hours, the store i transferred to to try grocery with my old boss went to the dump after she was transferred. went from 35 hours a week, to 16, then 8 the 4 and last week 0. i asked awhile ago why, saying i know how it works here and there are usually 2 reasons why this happens, i have a solid work record for 11 years! i was told by the store co manager that the job wasn't suited for me and that i wasn't fast enough. i said how do you expect me to live. i was thrown out there with no training, not knowing where anything is in the store. it had only been about 4 weeks. thank goodness for another store, my former manger at another store got an email saying they needed deli help and he thought of me and i had left that store to go there!! it has saved me these past weeks but they are closing down January 23rd for remodel. i am now again transferred back to the store i ws at and being trained for front end cashier, something i vowed i would never do, i cant stand in one place and the pressure of all the money.... i did find out that a special deli in the store is looking for help but it is afternoon till closing, 12-9:30 or 3-9:30, ugh, wouldn't get home till almost 10 and if i have the 12 shift it is way to long for me. they are very intensce there and expect perfection, i will need a lot of training. said i would do it now thinking twice, i would get the hours i need but to what cost?
with all the hours all over the place my ED is up and roaring, time to eat etc... i am so rigid and the stress of everything has been high causing ed to say don't eat. i have been eating though, as i feel sick after awhile if i don't but not eating well. i haven't had time to walk and i can feel the difference in my body with the stress, i need activity besides work.
my mother is driving me over the deep end, i know she has failing eye sight but she is sucking everyone dry with her neediness, critizing ec=verything you try and do, saying how no one helps, no one brings her shopping, all wrong, then getting on the crying act when you bring up anything. i dread calling, i call 6 out of 7 days and really dread going over on sunday nights, lately with the other store helping with my hours it has had to be another night and i know my mother is pissed. i look forward to seeing dad and bring my dog and he loves her and she lays by his side. i don't know how he does it every single day, doesn't leave her, and he is not living his life, he needs and craves interaction with friends, his buddies and he doesn't get it much anymore. the refuse to get help in
my roof is leaking and my kitchen ceiling is coming down, plus i had expensive plumbing a few weeks ago done and the problem isn't solved, it is an old house and the pipes may be collapsing in the bathroom. i am thinking seriously of selling the house as is but i don't have a lot of equity and i need some to get moving to an apartment and to save. i am so confused, need to keep looking for another job even if i get the hours, struggling in that, stuggling in life
Replies
*hugs* I know you are going through a lot, but just do what works. I know your ED is messing with you, but maybe you can change your meal times to what works with your schedule. I know you are going to fight it, but you can\'t let ED control you.
Big hugs, Ann! This all sounds overwhelming. I can understand why you\'re spinning. Our EDs tend to flare during stressful times. Keep fighting it the best you can. I hope things work out with your job and your mom. I\'ll be praying.
thank you both so much!! I need support now so much. my old body is not used to the ever changing hours and now the opportunity to work in the store at a specialized deli till 9:30 has me in an inward uproar, I am to old for this shit, but I have to do what I have to, need steady hours and in one place. still looking for a job out of that place! I walked yesterday in the rain, felt good, avent been walking much with crazy schedule but my knee and hip bursitis didn\'t like me. I don\'t get it, I have an artificial knee, walking shouldn\'t get it swollen and stiff, it has been way over a year.
I am here for you whenever you need someone to talk to. Just let me know. Special hugs coming your way.