I am completely insane
insanity is the tenancy to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results. That is me...I fall for it time after time. I have to admit it tool longer this time. It's been a good couple of weeks...He's been sweet, mostly kind and not drinking very much.
I am such a sucker
Dont confuse it with wanting to really be with me. He says Merry Christmas, and I love you...and still sleeps on the couch...not even for xmas could I wake up not alone. The few times his irritation with me has shown through my immediate shut down and refusal to buy into the argument has clued him in that I am beyond wanting to deal with it.
I told myself I was not going to get sucked in again...that I reminded myself that this new friendliness is only temporary. I guess I told myself that but I did not believe it. Otherwise it would not still hurt my feelings so much right?
It occurred to me yesterday that the girls were not going to spend any time at their mom's at all..thus making sure he and I had no alone time. I figured they would at least want to spend a day there...guess not. I asked him about it yesterday... he said no they are just staying here.
He said they sleep til noon though so I will come in the room and cuddle with you tonight. He makes it sound like a special gift that he will be next to me...shouldn't he want to be there all the time,,,or at least most of the time? A friend of mine told me he has heard of couples that can be happy not sleeping in the same room...could I get used to that? I don't know.
A friend of his stopped by and stayed for dinner...the beer started to flow..I should know better by now...I really should.
He was almost to the obnoxious state before he sat down and fell asleep. I was just relieved that he was finally out.
It is a disease...I know this...but sometimes I think he gets drunk on purpose so he does not have to be with me. So much for not getting sucked in again.
I am such a sucker
Dont confuse it with wanting to really be with me. He says Merry Christmas, and I love you...and still sleeps on the couch...not even for xmas could I wake up not alone. The few times his irritation with me has shown through my immediate shut down and refusal to buy into the argument has clued him in that I am beyond wanting to deal with it.
I told myself I was not going to get sucked in again...that I reminded myself that this new friendliness is only temporary. I guess I told myself that but I did not believe it. Otherwise it would not still hurt my feelings so much right?
It occurred to me yesterday that the girls were not going to spend any time at their mom's at all..thus making sure he and I had no alone time. I figured they would at least want to spend a day there...guess not. I asked him about it yesterday... he said no they are just staying here.
He said they sleep til noon though so I will come in the room and cuddle with you tonight. He makes it sound like a special gift that he will be next to me...shouldn't he want to be there all the time,,,or at least most of the time? A friend of mine told me he has heard of couples that can be happy not sleeping in the same room...could I get used to that? I don't know.
A friend of his stopped by and stayed for dinner...the beer started to flow..I should know better by now...I really should.
He was almost to the obnoxious state before he sat down and fell asleep. I was just relieved that he was finally out.
It is a disease...I know this...but sometimes I think he gets drunk on purpose so he does not have to be with me. So much for not getting sucked in again.
Replies
I never realized Texas was such a \"dry\" area http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dry_communities_by_U.S._state
I think if we taught guys to \'journal\' and they could share all their woes and frustrations in their journal there would be less beer drinking going on. Maybe not but I don\'t see us gals doing the beer drinking that much - could be I\'m too isolated to know for sure any longer but just seems that beer is more a guy thing and journaling is more a gal thing.
I think we embrace the \'best\' and \'accept the rest\' and simply do the best we can at life. It seems that way to me anyway.
I\'m so worn out anymore my perceptions are also a bit worn out - not a good place to be while coping with crisis. Moment by moment and hanging on.
((hugs))
:-) Patricia