Hurting & trying to move along...

I knew it was a possibility, a possibility that he would chose her and I would lose him and everything we had. I tried to keep myself from getting too invested, from getting too attached, but I did. I got so damn attached. So damn invested. I genuinely thought it was fate; I went to elementary school with this little sister, we were best friends and then they moved away, years upon years later I meet him cause he's dating my friend, realize who he is and find amusement in the irony, he's also friends with one of my ex's, then 4-5 years later after we don't speak he tells me he liked me back then and never got a chance to tell me and he compliments me and makes me feel so incredible, tells me he wants to move out here, he's trying to get his schooling and work transferred, trying to get his work to send him here for training... He seemed so incredibly serious about me, about us...and then...just like that, he was gone. He just cut me out of his life and that was it. He said he needs to figure himself out, that he can't keep lying... I told him I'm not mad, I'm still here if he decides to talk to me and I'm not going to force myself to move on, nor am I going to wait for him. It honestly shattered my heart. I was falling for him and trying to incredibly hard not to...I was so afraid I would lose him and he told me I wouldn't...But I did. 
I went to the bar today, the one I accidentally drank at on halloween, haven't been there since. It went well but there were definitely times when I really wanted to order myself a drink. I went with my friends Kory and Amanda, and Amanda brought along a guy we met on tuesday at a pub named Eli, he's an elvis impersonator. Amanda was supposed to be on a date with this guy I guess, and then out of no where she starts flirting with other guys, getting their numbers, all this stuff... So Eli and I chatted and oddly enough hit it off... We essentially stood there and made fun of these guys hitting on her cause it was just hilarious, but at the same time I could tell he was a little choked she was doing it, I mean, I would be too. I have no interest in dating this guy, none at all, but he's a sweet guy and he's really fun to just chat with. 
I feel like I'm becoming this person that I'm not..I'm trying so hard to get along with what life throws at me that I'm becoming someone new entirely. I don't know what I'm turning into, and I'm not sure I like it all that much. I know I'm battling depression, it's an ongoing battle that I try to deny exists. I try to get along as if everything is perfectly fine, but truthfully, there are days I can hardly get myself out of bed, let alone go to classes, volunteering, spend time with friends, keep my house in order (which it hasn't been really), get homework done and study (also seriously slipping)... Everything is slipping. I've been feeling sick recently and I know it's because of stress, I get nauseous, I get allergy symptoms out of nowhere (I've been blaming the cat but really, some days I can have her in my face and nothing happens so it really isn't her), my body is just reacting extremely negatively to all the stress and it's really getting to me. I'm always in pain. Emotional and physical. I hate it. I really, really hate it. 
 
*Add 577 days to sobriety count, restarted because of accidental sip of alcoholic drink on halloween.