Hurt , angry and tired

Last night when he finally got home about 7:30, he started talking about a birthday party that was on the same day as the BBQ that we had previously argued about and said I didn't want to go.  Last time we argued about it, he said he would make an excuse to get us out of it.  Last night he was talking as if we were going.  These are the same people that were spilling drinks on my carpet a couple weeks back.  He said, I am sick of you being anti-social.  I'm not going to spend the rest of my life sitting around while you have your nose in a book.  Instantly pissed, I said well I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you passing out on the patio.  He said, yeah, cause I do that every weekend. All I was thinking is you don't even feel like this is something bad to do at all?  After that he didn't speak to me the rest of the night.  He went out into the other room and sat in the dark and didn't eat any dinner.  I ate dinner by myself, went back to my book for a while and then went to bed.  If this keeps up I may not make it through the next two semesters.  It doesn't look good for us, but then I guess it never really has.  Still, If I hadn't moved back in and given him a second chance I would have always wondered if I was making a mistake.

I feel lonely but then I guess I feel lonely even when he is there.