human roller coaster
i'm so up and down, but i truly am a generally happy person when life is just sloggin along.
it's strange and unexpected, this sense of redemption within such a short time of him being gone. he was the drummer for my band, and he quit. and just like that i suddenly have control over my band again. didn't even realize that i had completely lost that control. over my own band! my own life! it's ok to be friends with male band members!
i didn't realize how much i'd given up until i got it back. i still have hope that he seeks help, and that we can find a way to be together. i emailed his best friend. i've also talked to his parents. and they have been very supportive. he's gone for the weekend, and says he's leaving me. when he's around, i want to hold him, i feel anxious and i cry and beg him to reconsider, but now that he's not here, at this moment, i feel so free!
FROM EVERY MOUNTAIN TOP!
here's a weird thing i experienced. he tried to cancel my band's upcoming gig because he quit the band and he had gotten us that gig in the first place. so i uncanceled it. he sent me 6 text messages telling me why i shouldn't play the show. i didn't respond to any of them. funny thing is, this seemed a little more like the bitchy things couples do when they're breaking up. it seemed like normal conflict. i actually felt happy to be experiencing normal negativity that made sense. granted, i didn't respond, and it was only over texts, so it didn't play out the way it could have.
i know he was trying to continue to control the situation... i think he's realizing what it means to leave me. instead of saying it a thousand times throughout our relationship and never carrying it out.
it's strange and unexpected, this sense of redemption within such a short time of him being gone. he was the drummer for my band, and he quit. and just like that i suddenly have control over my band again. didn't even realize that i had completely lost that control. over my own band! my own life! it's ok to be friends with male band members!
i didn't realize how much i'd given up until i got it back. i still have hope that he seeks help, and that we can find a way to be together. i emailed his best friend. i've also talked to his parents. and they have been very supportive. he's gone for the weekend, and says he's leaving me. when he's around, i want to hold him, i feel anxious and i cry and beg him to reconsider, but now that he's not here, at this moment, i feel so free!
FROM EVERY MOUNTAIN TOP!
here's a weird thing i experienced. he tried to cancel my band's upcoming gig because he quit the band and he had gotten us that gig in the first place. so i uncanceled it. he sent me 6 text messages telling me why i shouldn't play the show. i didn't respond to any of them. funny thing is, this seemed a little more like the bitchy things couples do when they're breaking up. it seemed like normal conflict. i actually felt happy to be experiencing normal negativity that made sense. granted, i didn't respond, and it was only over texts, so it didn't play out the way it could have.
i know he was trying to continue to control the situation... i think he's realizing what it means to leave me. instead of saying it a thousand times throughout our relationship and never carrying it out.
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