how thoughts can haunt you ....
September 12 came & went. Aside from feeling scattered I managed to get through it. I'm still in disbelief that Randy Lee would be 30 yes old. This was the 12 birthday in heaven. Me ....I'm still in a fog. I try to stay positive and find the good in any situation. I admit the past few weeks I've struggled with that. I see darkness and just want to be alone. I don't believe in suicide. I guess all those CCD classes as a kid did sink into my head. :) I believe in God and I have my own relationship w/ him. The organized church is not my cup of tea. Still ...I have faith. The trinity is sacred and I trust in God. All that said I have had moments of wondering, questioning and the dreaded unanswerable question of WHY?
I just feel beaten at this time. I feel like its too much....I've worked too hard ....I just can't do it any more. That between the time of year, Randy's birthday, my knee pain, stress at work and here ...its too much to be expected to overcome.
I'm just tired ...a bit lost and feeling alright alone. I'm really good at fronts so few if any know I'm struggling. They just chalk it up to work stress.
A life full of what its and if only .... but that's the sad part. Life really doesn't give do covers. I m just tired ...a few nights of actual sleep couldn't hurt.
I just feel beaten at this time. I feel like its too much....I've worked too hard ....I just can't do it any more. That between the time of year, Randy's birthday, my knee pain, stress at work and here ...its too much to be expected to overcome.
I'm just tired ...a bit lost and feeling alright alone. I'm really good at fronts so few if any know I'm struggling. They just chalk it up to work stress.
A life full of what its and if only .... but that's the sad part. Life really doesn't give do covers. I m just tired ...a few nights of actual sleep couldn't hurt.
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(((hugs)))
Keep holding on darling~~Keep breathing, and keep sharing.