how strong am i?
i just wonder what i'm capable of. can i continue to bite my tongue when i am offended so as not to cause a disaster? i'm having trouble letting his mockery go. i feel as though i am prepared to tell him how difficult it is to be in a relationship with him at times. i am ready to weather the next storm. i almost feel as though i am ready to leave, even though i love him so deeply it moves the marrow in my bones.
8 more days til my therapy appointment, but i am skeptical of that, too. will they be helpful, or will they, like my family, tell me there is no hope if he doesn't get on medication and start some kind of treatments?
i don't want a drugged-up boyfriend. and he doesn't want to take meds. i can deal with him so long as he knows that sometimes he is very hard to deal with but that i don't hate him for that.
my chest feels tight, and i feel really pissed off. maybe it's just pms. is it that time already?
sometimes i just wonder. i've forgotten what the peace felt like. the internal peace. the peace i felt before i started training myself to be very careful about what i say and how i dress, and what little behaviors can turn into a threat in his mind. i'm sooooooo careful. what was it like before all of this? i can't remember.
8 more days til my therapy appointment, but i am skeptical of that, too. will they be helpful, or will they, like my family, tell me there is no hope if he doesn't get on medication and start some kind of treatments?
i don't want a drugged-up boyfriend. and he doesn't want to take meds. i can deal with him so long as he knows that sometimes he is very hard to deal with but that i don't hate him for that.
my chest feels tight, and i feel really pissed off. maybe it's just pms. is it that time already?
sometimes i just wonder. i've forgotten what the peace felt like. the internal peace. the peace i felt before i started training myself to be very careful about what i say and how i dress, and what little behaviors can turn into a threat in his mind. i'm sooooooo careful. what was it like before all of this? i can't remember.
Replies
you need boundaries and a refuge. the boundaries are designed to stop the abuse. the refuge is a place to go when the boundaries stop working. discuss your boundaries with your SO in calmer moments. when his defenses go up, slack off. when he crosses the line, step out of the ring. hugs to you. i know how hard it can be.
thanks, johnny. i\'m just a little confused. and it\'s so hard to talk to him. he really can\'t take any criticism. and yet i have to take it all the time. well, not all the time. it seems like the eggshell walking works on him. we\'re just around each other so much, and our apartment is so small. i appreciate the advice, though. and the courage. :)