How can I even begin to start.....

I honestly don't even know how to begin in this journal. I guess I will start with introductions. My name is Holly D. and I have been a victim of physical, emotional, and mental abuse for approximately 10 years. Although unless asked, I won't be opening up the Pandora's box for some of that time because I have nightmares every time I do, I'm going to start with what's been happening to me most recently. I have been in a relationship with a sociopath for nearly 8 years of my life now. I have left her twice, and 2 weeks ago, I left her again( hopefully for the last time). The worst part about it is that we were in bisexual/gay( I have no intentions to offend anyone) relationship and I have or was ( hopefully) been in love with her for a very long time now. The sad part about it is that I did a report on Sociopaths in college a few years ago and realized that she fit every single trait on that list and I STILL stayed with her. I do not hate her and I never will but it is the hardest thing to let go of something that was at one point so precious to you; and the irony of it is that when you do move on it is even more difficult for you to hold on to someone that IS good to  you. We have been homeless on many different occasions and I have watched her do time in and out of jail. I have done things with her that I would normally never do if it was me making the decision. She is a hustler, master manipulater, deceiver and the worst part about this whole thing is that SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS DOING TO PEOPLE and she is fine with it. If anyone out there is dealing with or has dealt with something similar please understand that they even know what they are doing to YOU, no matter what they say. She takes peoples lives and sucks them dry, using them for her own benefit and moving on the next one. I must admit, sometimes situations called for money because of us being out on the street and she would hustle so that we would have a place to stay, but even when we had finances and housing she would still do it. When I left her about 3 years ago she was on a suicide mission. She had lost her kids and tried to kill herself with anything and everything she could get her hands on. I stayed as long as I could, but I told her that I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped out of college, lost a number of jobs, and even a few of my closest friends because of her and I hate it. Then I saw her again last year and she seemed ok, which was my big mistake, I guess. I thought that I could save her but I can't. And that's the point, no one can save them because they don't want to be saved. Anyway, I'm very sorry that this was so long-winded but I guess that is what this support group is for lol if anyone is going through something like this or you need anything any input would be appreciated. Even "you're an idiot" lol. I know what I have to do now it is just so horrible that I have to go through this again and start from scratch again. This is the last time. 
 
Hugs and Hopes,
 
Holly D