Hostile environment much...
Today I went to my ex bfs house for his birthday party....kind of a messed up scenario with this one.... His new gf (my "best friend") sent a mass text "reminding" everyone of the party-i hadn't heard of it before this text & I decided to opt-out...I was pretty sure she invited me out of courtesy... Then, my "best friend" convinced me to go.. I had given BS reasons for not going (transit at night is difficult & sketchy in the area... So amanda says one of them can pick me up, bring my dog & I can stay the night.... So I was kind of stuck and said I'd go- luckily I have an amazing friend and he offered to fake an emergency and come pick me up if I couldn't handle being there. So we were set... Then amanda says a few days after (yesterday-day before the party) that she's not comfortable with me going... So I said okay, I don't care regardless, but why convince me to come when I initially said no? She never answered... I originally said no because I didn't think she really wanted me there. My best friend and I planned a girls night instead.....then my ex invited her the morning of the party...so she asked me first, then told him straight up I'd be coming too, he was fine with it. We got to the party and I have never once been in such a hostile and unwelcoming environment... My "best friend" was giving me the death glare, my other best friend who I'm super close with was glaring at me (she's also best friends with my "best friend"), my ex's old roommate/best friend who I had been super close with could barely stand to look at me.... And my other friends that were there just looked at me like "why the fuc* are you here? No one wants you here..". I knew my "best friend's" parents/family likes me still so I b-lined it to visit them, and when I got inside and upstairs her mom SCREAMED she was SO excited to see me and ran up and hugged me and told me how happy she was that I came and it meant so much to her and she misses me...it honestly was what I needed to hear, and then her stepdad came out and freaked out and was so happy and hugged me and was so excited to see me.. And her aunt too, her aunt said she misses me & we need to hang out more & such. My ex followed me around the house like a puppy tho...
I was trying to avoid him... I went upstairs, he came up, I went down, he came down... And his old roommate & gf were close by each time.... I tried to ignore them as much as possible....he hugged me a couple times..well, tried...I half-armed him cause his gf was around and I wasn't about to cause drama..as much as I really wanted to give him a full hug like I used to. My bestfriend and I didn't stay long...she asked if we should make a safeword about 10 minutes in and I said "yes, the safe word is sasha.......Sasha. I just called the safeword." We went to say our goodbyes, I went up to her parents again (had left to avoid my "best friend" and her mom said I have to come over & hang out with them aside from the ex & gf, and we'll have dinner & hang out & I don't have to see them at all.. I was so happy to have her say that. I then went to say goodbye to her stepdad and he almost made me cry...I'm xrying now thinking about it again... I went out on the deck and said I was leaving and he hugged me again, said thanks for coming & such.. Then said "we really appreciate you coming, we miss you a lot. You look great, how are you doing, are you okay?" And my voice cracked so bad when I said "thanks, I'm doing okay...just trying to keep going..." And I started tearing up and had to turn away.. He wasn't the only one out there either... My "bestfriend's" aunt & 2 of her uncles were out there too...they know everything tho so it was okay, just means her entire family is going to be discussing seeing me there & everything... I miss her parents, so much... They were so amazing, and I was always in a good mood when they were around.. I'm definitely going to make plans to hang out with them alone & not see my ex/his gf... It's been a hard few months, and I really need something good in my life right now....
I was trying to avoid him... I went upstairs, he came up, I went down, he came down... And his old roommate & gf were close by each time.... I tried to ignore them as much as possible....he hugged me a couple times..well, tried...I half-armed him cause his gf was around and I wasn't about to cause drama..as much as I really wanted to give him a full hug like I used to. My bestfriend and I didn't stay long...she asked if we should make a safeword about 10 minutes in and I said "yes, the safe word is sasha.......Sasha. I just called the safeword." We went to say our goodbyes, I went up to her parents again (had left to avoid my "best friend" and her mom said I have to come over & hang out with them aside from the ex & gf, and we'll have dinner & hang out & I don't have to see them at all.. I was so happy to have her say that. I then went to say goodbye to her stepdad and he almost made me cry...I'm xrying now thinking about it again... I went out on the deck and said I was leaving and he hugged me again, said thanks for coming & such.. Then said "we really appreciate you coming, we miss you a lot. You look great, how are you doing, are you okay?" And my voice cracked so bad when I said "thanks, I'm doing okay...just trying to keep going..." And I started tearing up and had to turn away.. He wasn't the only one out there either... My "bestfriend's" aunt & 2 of her uncles were out there too...they know everything tho so it was okay, just means her entire family is going to be discussing seeing me there & everything... I miss her parents, so much... They were so amazing, and I was always in a good mood when they were around.. I'm definitely going to make plans to hang out with them alone & not see my ex/his gf... It's been a hard few months, and I really need something good in my life right now....
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