Homework
Ok so good news first.
Doc office called and all blood and urine tests came back clean for std's :) Let me tell you though, doc told me would only call if bad news, that no news was good news, so when the nurse called I was in a panic, already starting to spiral and hyperventilate. I was chattin with destinedtobe at the time, thanks D! Nurse said just got results and doc shot me an email asking me to go ahead and call you so you wouldn't worry. That made me feel good about doc.
Still have to go to gyno get pap n all that, Try to figure out whats going on with hormones. Still no period.
~~~~~
Went to mc last night, after a 3 week hiatus as mc was on a long vacation. Ended up being there an hour n half :) HA! He shouldn't have went on vacation :)
It was emotional. I have been a mess for a while, but especially since vday, and with being sick.
I came home with homework.
A lot of it.
First, vday ended up bombing because of the dinner from hell, plus I was getting sick. That fed into my perfectionism tendencies and fear of failure. Which translated into me panicking about my marriage because " if I could put so much work and planning into vday day and it still goes to shit, then what if I put all this work into my marriage and it goes to shit too?" My upbringing and my voice in my head tells me I am a failure. This is an issue I am working on.
Our wedding anniversary is Monday. I am to make a plan for anniversary that is not high pressure. As to avert feelings of failure.
Second, I am to work more on a visualization exercise involving that little girl inner child. I am to find her again and talk to her and tell her that She is not a failure, it was the adults around her who failed. That they are the ones who gifted her the whole samsonite collection of baggage. And I have to apologize to her for taking so long to tell her that.
Third, closely related to the above. I am to plan a party with that little girl, and whoever else I want to invite to dispose of all that luggage.
Wow, I may have to do summer school:) lol
any and all advice welcome
Doc office called and all blood and urine tests came back clean for std's :) Let me tell you though, doc told me would only call if bad news, that no news was good news, so when the nurse called I was in a panic, already starting to spiral and hyperventilate. I was chattin with destinedtobe at the time, thanks D! Nurse said just got results and doc shot me an email asking me to go ahead and call you so you wouldn't worry. That made me feel good about doc.
Still have to go to gyno get pap n all that, Try to figure out whats going on with hormones. Still no period.
~~~~~
Went to mc last night, after a 3 week hiatus as mc was on a long vacation. Ended up being there an hour n half :) HA! He shouldn't have went on vacation :)
It was emotional. I have been a mess for a while, but especially since vday, and with being sick.
I came home with homework.
A lot of it.
First, vday ended up bombing because of the dinner from hell, plus I was getting sick. That fed into my perfectionism tendencies and fear of failure. Which translated into me panicking about my marriage because " if I could put so much work and planning into vday day and it still goes to shit, then what if I put all this work into my marriage and it goes to shit too?" My upbringing and my voice in my head tells me I am a failure. This is an issue I am working on.
Our wedding anniversary is Monday. I am to make a plan for anniversary that is not high pressure. As to avert feelings of failure.
Second, I am to work more on a visualization exercise involving that little girl inner child. I am to find her again and talk to her and tell her that She is not a failure, it was the adults around her who failed. That they are the ones who gifted her the whole samsonite collection of baggage. And I have to apologize to her for taking so long to tell her that.
Third, closely related to the above. I am to plan a party with that little girl, and whoever else I want to invite to dispose of all that luggage.
Wow, I may have to do summer school:) lol
any and all advice welcome
Replies
Well, first I am happy those results came back. I think doctors should call us regardless don\'t you. Good doctor.
Second, I was told that if there are no visible signs of STDs and blood/urine come back good then most likely it\'s all clear. Very little is found during a pap.
I guess I cannot advise you really on the inner girl stuff because to be honest I don\'t really know what people are talking about when they discuss the inner child. But I do hope you can find a method to dispose of baggage (that I get) to help you move forward.
Lotus, the inner child is similar to Erikson\'s stages of development. His theory states that at each stage of development, from infancy through adulthood, we face a crisis. If we resolve the crisis, we move on to the next stage. However, if we do not, we are frozen emotionally at that stage. The good news is that we can still go back and resolve the crisis. Speaking to \"the inner child\" is basically going back to that stage of development where the crisis was unresolved and \"healing the child\" so oone can move forward in emotional development. In a way, Kansas was frozen emotionally because the adults around her failed to help her successfully master that stage of development. Using visualization like her therapist suggested is one way, an almost tangible way, to go back to the crisis. Now, instead of her parents helping her the way they should have when she was a little girl, she can learn to be her own parent and heal herself. Did that make sense? Sorry Kansas, didn\'t mean to highjack. This ends our psychology lesson for the day! lol.
So it really isn\'t necessarily something that happened in childhood for everyone? It\'s just where the chain breaks at any given moment in our lives when we fail to move forward?
lotus, according to Erikson, yes. That\'s where he and Freud differ. Frued basically believed that once you are screwed up in childhood, it may take a lifetime to deal with it, but Erikson\'s theory is much more hopeful. I was never a big fan of psychoanalysis.
I\'m really not either. Nate seems to like it but he was raised by a mental health care manager and a crazy dad. Perfect match eh.
I don\'t think of it as \"snake oil or voodoo\" but I do think many times the goal is to tell us how something really isn\'t our fault. I think things like \"sex addiction\" are thrown around too much. I think much of psychoanalysis takes the emphasis of accountability.
I guess in that context though I like this inner child ideal because now it falls on Kansas or whoever to take the reigns in healing even if the poor steering of others is why someone is in this position in the first place.
Okay Kansas, done hijacking your thread.
hey girls, education is good for all:)
Lotus, exactly...there is only so much we mothers can get blamed for! lol Kansas, here\'s the take away from this little psyche lesson...you CAN heal yourself! Knowing how your parents failed you is good because it helps you understand why you think the way you do, but their mistakes do not have to define you or how you feel about yourself. Sending you hugs and support!
BTW lotus, based on what you\'ve told us about your MIL....it is scary that she is a mental health practitioner!!!!
I know right. She was terminated last year or laid off. I know she has unemployment.
Great on no STDs. That\'s got to be a relief. And the homework gives you something to work on yourself. That can be productive as well. So go for it! You are definitely not a failure.
I\'m glad the office called to let you know everything was okay even though it caused panic due to them stating that you wouldn\'t hear anything if things are okay. As someone who used to work for physicians, we would ALWAYS call our patients good or bad, even when everything was normal just to let them no one way or another and reassure them. I feel it\'s bad practice not to call, but that is just IMO. Did your MC give your H any homework for the upcoming anniversary as well? Just curious. And I like the homework he gave, sounds like something I need to do myself and get rid of some Samsonite baggage myself. I went through the whole, \"I\'m a failure\" thing too when our marriage went south and H said we were done. I find that we are hardest on ourselves. Nobody can be as hard on ourselves as we are, but we need to learn to love ourselves and realize that we ARE NOT failures. I think I need to have a party with that inner girl as well!
glad that the tests came back clean. What a relief!! Sorry you are still having other health issues though. Hope they get it figured out for you soon.
Sounds like your MC has a pretty good take on what is happening and wants you to do some real thinking. Did he give your H any homework?
Hang in there and keep marching forward.
Great news on the testing. That\'s gotta be a big load off your back. :)
Thanks for the inner child explanation, Znz. I\'d be interested in hearing how this will help Kansas further down the road. Sounds like a great, more hopeful way of heading.
Interesting Kansas, I do believe I need to have a talk with my little girl too. :-)
Kansas, glad to hear your test results are negative? Stress or a sudden change in weight may cause no periods. Wishing you the best. Thanks Z for the lesson, it\'s interesting and where in the past I wasn\'t so big on it. Today I can now see how it could apply and will talk to my IC about it because we do talk about how past traumas regardless how small they are may have caused me to react to the the traumas I\'m dealing with now.