Here i go again on my own but not alone this time

I am still so upset with my mother and how I left it and how I never got to say goodbye to her. I am so heartbroken and nothing helps. It's just something that I have to live with and I'm torturing myself over all of this shit with my mom. I miss her and she was my blanket. I could always count on my mom for advice and reason and I feel like a part of me is gone. She loved like a child and was passionate and she went too soon and i HATE the fact that she is no longer on this earth. I want to destroy everyone and everything and it's just NOT FUCKING FAIR IT IS SO NOT FAIR. tHAT'S ALL i HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW i CAN'T KEEP DRILLING MYSELF AND i CAN'T FORGIVE MYSELF RIGHT NOW EITHER.