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Didn't know if this was important enough to post as a Discussion so I am just doing it here. There is a dear friend of ours who is acting as an intermediary between ES and us. I asked if he would relay the question to ES if there would be any joint Christmas this year. In a rather short, not pleasant answer he wrote back to him "She knows where I live." When I went to pick up GD for her birthday last month, he was pleasant and courteous. We spoke in generalities but it was ok. I don't know if I should go for the chance of catching him and the kids at home or if I should just forget it. Either way, I do want to deliver gift cards and some especially made festive treats. I guess I am trying to see my son that I know is there some where but I just don't know. I guess that if he wanted to get together, he would have been more positive or contacted me directly. On the other hand, I don't want him to think that we don't want to get together with them. The GC mean so much to us and he does too but our broken relationship also hurts very much. Not having direct access also is hurtful. In my position, what would you do? DH is still extremely upset with ES and says he wants an apology before anything goes any further. If I tried to get them together, I think it might be disasterous and I don't want to make things worse. Going myself cuts DH off from seeing GC and I do have trepidation about going over there when I know the town house complex is full of GF relatives. My BFF locally says that I shouldn't do anything and just stay away until ES reaches out to us which I feel may never happen. Sorry this is so long but some times I just need to talk. Thank you
Feeling better - a cold on top of Cough Variant Asthma is not usually a very good mix and takes a few days to get back on my feet. Thank you each for your get better messages - you are all so dear to me and mean so much to me. I am just so glad we have one another. We really do need the care we give to each other. God bless and be with each of you. My prayers are with all of you
Feeling better - a cold on top of Cough Variant Asthma is not usually a very good mix and takes a few days to get back on my feet. Thank you each for your get better messages - you are all so dear to me and mean so much to me. I am just so glad we have one another. We really do need the care we give to each other. God bless and be with each of you. My prayers are with all of you
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Whyonlychild, I always try to find a biblical example for these kinds of situations first if I can. I know that is not always possible, but when all else fails, I ask myself if I was behaving this way to God (the way your ES treats you now) then how would God behave back to me.
So my reaction to your situation would be this....God never turns away any contact from us that we want to make, even those with bad attitudes, and even those where we\'re in the wrong and have offended him and need to apologize but are too proud to admit we are wrong.
Next I would ask myself, how would I feel if I were willing to communicate with God in spite of my bad attitude towards Him at the moment, but due to my bad attitude God just shut me out. And then how would God shutting me out, make me respond in the future?
I think I always lately have to come back to this....love never fails! And the constant loving response of God to me no matter my attitude towards Him would always have the power to break down walls and win my heart over being shut out till I straightened my act up.
Now to be clear here, I am not suggesting in anyway that we are to put up with being abused....and neither will God put up with us being abusive to Him, so if an adult child gets abusive, the relationship needs to be detached until the abuse is stopped and won\'t be repeated.
So as long as I was just dealing with an attitude problem, I\'d probably keep responding in love and stay the long haul trusting in the fact that God promises love never fails....meaning my constant unconditional loving response to my child can not fail to eventually win the war with the enemies hold on my child\'s heart!
If you don\'t want to go alone, find someone who you can trust to be supportive, encouraging and to just be those things and nothing else and take them along with you. This keeps the situation diffused a bit as most EC will not show their dark side to an outsider. Obviously your BFF is not supportive so find someone who is. Preferably someone who loves your son too!
Prayers and Hugs!!
Thankfully, you can still see the grandchildren. I cannot. This is huge for you. I would just concentrate on them. Pray and leave the rest to the Lord. Your husband does not want to budge without an apology - but in the big scale of things what does it matter? It would be nice if he would just let bygones be bygones but men are by and large, egotistic and when their feelings are hurt, this means their egos are hurt. You can\'t bring about peace between your husband and son. It has to come from them. So just leave this in the hands of the Lord and enjoy seeing your grandchildren while you can. There is nothing worse than being estranged from both your children AND grandchildren because the parent is keeping them away. Its a double whammy and takes away the joy of living.