Hard times

I'm having such a hard time right now.  I still miss Gene so much and Thanksgiving seems to have set me back a month on the progress I thought I was making.  I can't bring myself to go Christmas shopping or even think about decorating.  I know that a year from now I will be in a better place, but that really isn't helping me right now.  I talked to my son about not putting the tree up this year and he agreed that I shouldn't push myself to do anything I'm not ready to do.  Everyone keeps telling me I'm going to make it through the next month, but it doesn't feel that way to me.  I have fleeting thoughts of just giving in to the grief and letting it take over.  The tears fall every day again and there's no escaping the pain.