Hard days

I haven't journaled in a couple of days because I've been feeling pretty bad and have been trying to keep myself busy working around the house.  But thanks to all of you for your thoughts, prayers and hugs.  Without all of you I'd never make it through this without losing my mind altogether.  You are the glue holding me together. I had a very strange experience happen to me yesterday.  I have a keen interest in the Civil War period of history and at Christmas I had asked Gene to buy me some books on it.  In addition, there is a little place called Harpers Ferry in West Virginia where Gene and I used to go and stay to get away for weekends.  In fact, out son was conceived in the hotel out there.  It's a quaint little town and famous for the spot where John Brown, an abolitionist was captured and hung.  Anyway, I went out to get the mail yesterday and there was a magazine called "Civil War" in the mailbox.  I thought the mail lady had delivered it by mistake but when I looked it was addressed to me.  The real strange part was that the cover story was about John Brown and Harpers Ferry.  I have no idea why I got this magazine.  My son was amazed and the first thing he noticed was the cover story.  Now, four months after Gene's death this comes in the mail.  Did he order it for me and forget to tell me?  I don't know, but it felt as though he was reaching out to me.   Well, I actually made it through two whole weeks of work!  It will be nice to get the extra money in my check this week.  I've been missing so many days I forget what it's like to get a real check.   I've decided to paint the foundation of the house.  I stopped at the hardware store on my way home today and bought 19 gallons of masonry paint and a paint brush.  That should keep me busy at least for the rest of the summer LOL!  I've got to brush it all down to get the flaked paint off first and then pick days to paint when we won't be getting any rain.  So, that's my goal.