happy new year - BAH HUMBUG!
Hmph! So I literally started my new year in pain and pissed off. May be my fault, may not be not sure... backing up...
So I've been having numbness in my toes for a few weeks now. My last docs visit was 2 weeks ago, at that point the numbness had been around for about a week so I did not mention it. Figured it would go away on its own. No such luck, it is steadily becoming more consistent and has now spread to my fingers.
I'm avoiding going back to the doc cause last time he just got that look that said he had exhausted the options he could think of and was just simply stumped. I actually have a gynae appointment to go check out the pain in the abs which has been the focus of attention for the past 6 months.
So New Years eve I leave work early and have a relaxed evening at home, taking it easy. Was planning to wake before midnight and take my son to see fireworks, so I hit the sack pretty early. Around 9 pm a wave of exhaustion just sweeps over me and I know the fireworks plan is out the window. My son however is a trooper. He just turns on the TV and says mom we can still watch the fireworks together.
I roll over in bed and agonizing pain shoots through my right arm. The entire arm,shoulder and back is just hurting like crazy, I could not move without sending waves of agony through my body, but I could not lie still either as no position eased the pain. My son massaged the area with liniment and we could feel that all the muscles had just locked up. I spent the rest of the night roaming the house just fuming and feeling sorry for myself as painkillers did nothing and I just could not lie down much less fall asleep.
There are times I feel like I have my own personal imp whose sole assignment is to make my life miserable .. and he takes his job seriously.
Spent yesterday trying to decide whether to go to the ER, I had no desire to spend my day in a hospital waiting room so I took more powerful painkillers and got some relief. Took some more this morning, trying to decide which doctor to go to this time... sigh
I resolve that the start of my year shall not determine its course. [Thumbing my nose at my busy little misery imp]
Speaking of resolutions : I make one this year. That is to ADHERE, CONSISTENTLY to a HEALTHY eating plan. Don't know what it is yet, just know I need to cut fast food, lower salts, sugars and simple carbs and consume a lot more fruits and veggies. Need to do what I can to contribute to a HEALTHIER ME in 2014.
PS : The might be my fault part .. well had a workman laying tiles for the past few days. He was doing a lousy job so I finally got down on the floor and started laying tiles with him. I also undertook all the cutting. So maybe that's what killed my arm, observing for a few days .. guess that's the signal that my up phase is OVER! Body's ability to take on DIY tasks is done for another year. Wish my room was finished...
PPS : This is why I was feeling sorry for myself. I had one good week and in that week was able to paint my room, lay half the hardwood floor, help tile another portion. I just needed 2-3 more good days to finish my room. 1 day to finish laying the hardwood, another to get another coat of paint on and install my toilet, the third to clean up and move in. New Years day being a holiday would have been day one and I could be in my new room this weekend. IT SUCKS that my body has caved so close to achievement of the goal. Sigh.
So I've been having numbness in my toes for a few weeks now. My last docs visit was 2 weeks ago, at that point the numbness had been around for about a week so I did not mention it. Figured it would go away on its own. No such luck, it is steadily becoming more consistent and has now spread to my fingers.
I'm avoiding going back to the doc cause last time he just got that look that said he had exhausted the options he could think of and was just simply stumped. I actually have a gynae appointment to go check out the pain in the abs which has been the focus of attention for the past 6 months.
So New Years eve I leave work early and have a relaxed evening at home, taking it easy. Was planning to wake before midnight and take my son to see fireworks, so I hit the sack pretty early. Around 9 pm a wave of exhaustion just sweeps over me and I know the fireworks plan is out the window. My son however is a trooper. He just turns on the TV and says mom we can still watch the fireworks together.
I roll over in bed and agonizing pain shoots through my right arm. The entire arm,shoulder and back is just hurting like crazy, I could not move without sending waves of agony through my body, but I could not lie still either as no position eased the pain. My son massaged the area with liniment and we could feel that all the muscles had just locked up. I spent the rest of the night roaming the house just fuming and feeling sorry for myself as painkillers did nothing and I just could not lie down much less fall asleep.
There are times I feel like I have my own personal imp whose sole assignment is to make my life miserable .. and he takes his job seriously.
Spent yesterday trying to decide whether to go to the ER, I had no desire to spend my day in a hospital waiting room so I took more powerful painkillers and got some relief. Took some more this morning, trying to decide which doctor to go to this time... sigh
I resolve that the start of my year shall not determine its course. [Thumbing my nose at my busy little misery imp]
Speaking of resolutions : I make one this year. That is to ADHERE, CONSISTENTLY to a HEALTHY eating plan. Don't know what it is yet, just know I need to cut fast food, lower salts, sugars and simple carbs and consume a lot more fruits and veggies. Need to do what I can to contribute to a HEALTHIER ME in 2014.
PS : The might be my fault part .. well had a workman laying tiles for the past few days. He was doing a lousy job so I finally got down on the floor and started laying tiles with him. I also undertook all the cutting. So maybe that's what killed my arm, observing for a few days .. guess that's the signal that my up phase is OVER! Body's ability to take on DIY tasks is done for another year. Wish my room was finished...
PPS : This is why I was feeling sorry for myself. I had one good week and in that week was able to paint my room, lay half the hardwood floor, help tile another portion. I just needed 2-3 more good days to finish my room. 1 day to finish laying the hardwood, another to get another coat of paint on and install my toilet, the third to clean up and move in. New Years day being a holiday would have been day one and I could be in my new room this weekend. IT SUCKS that my body has caved so close to achievement of the goal. Sigh.
Replies
You\'ve been cutting tile??? Let me guess, you\'re right handed.
I know I\'m a fine one to talk, but sometimes you just gotta let it go!!!!
It\'s okay to feel sorry for yourself.....we all are like that, sometimes.
Don\'t forget to tell your son that he\'s one in a billion
Rest some, and I hope you feel better soon.
dear max,
i can\'t bear it when someone dear to me beats themselves up. you were able to accomplish massive amounts of work.......more than many ill can do in a month of sundays times 9. please look at all you DID...count each task and realize the amazing accomplishments. you overdid it my sweet hurting friend and your body needs regular rest, regular pacing and oh my goodness......you had some good days and you pushed yourself to the max and beyond...............................please know how hard your body is working in care of you and that you did an amazing amount of work in care of your goals...........and finally I hope and pray that your shoulder, arm feels better......it sounds like it is very angry and will need more rest and either heat or ice.........write down a list of current symptoms and share your concerns with a doc..........wondering if you need massages, if you need to see an orthopedist or a rheumy............the numbness is troubling.....praying for you..........i don\'t mean to criticize you........i know you are venting out your frustrations.......i just know how big a project you\'ve taken on in care of your home for you and your son and how much you want to cross the finish line......but your health is more important than those other things. your son needs you and you have to treat your self well and put your importance at the top of the list in order to take care of him.............he needs you way more than the floors.......please slow it down and pace yourself after you heal and rest. i know it\'s hard to do..............i know you want to cross the finish line, but honey, you are needed to lead more than to be in the trenches doing some of the things you are doing as quickly as you are trying to do them........please slow down ..........................praying that your pain levels diminish...............hugging you gently and wishing you well. this year is going to be a good one..........it is...........give it a chance! hugs, ruthie
Thanks dear friends. I know every word you say is correct. Resting up now, but you know as soon as I get the chance to finish that floor I\'ll be doing it. Trying to identify a new hobby..one that does not require heavy lifting or power tools...
Really can relate! Have been told so many times, I learn from experience what makes me worse. So,easily said! I have pushed myself a million times and often have paid price dearly. Especially a \"room project\" or anything that is really hard to interrupt or leave. IN FUTURE,THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT THOSE. The cfs body often needs breaks from such a thing for a few days to a month or more. I have had to live with this reality, I get so frustrated and feel,sorry for myself. However, there are alot of people in our boat and that helps. Serse is right, give yourself lots of credit.
Hey max it\'s pamper time girl.Rest up and relax and you will pick up again .we will start calling you cyclone max if you don\'t. The house is gradually coming together, that really is a positive.You have achieved heaps, so give yourself a good pat on the back, and say \"well done\". For now it\'s working on the body time.Good luck with that, hope a few things will be resolved, I understand it is easier fixing houses than these bodies.Love to you, Di
Heh-heh..I was known as Mad Max in college, after that move with Tina Turner , something to do with a thunder dome?!? Needless to say it is quiet an apt description of my fundamental nature. Trying to rest , really but its driving me nuts. I suspect is BPD fighting not to give way to CFS. Having an AARGH period.
Max I am blown away. You have a great son. Your honesty is great. If we could all take what we know and translate that to how we are. You are encouraging me to start journaling on here. I\'ve never done it. Take care and good luck on that eating smart idea. I find myself snacking more than ever before in my life. I think I\'m looking for energy in the food.