Happy fucking birthday

Why is it so difficult or wrong for someone to hate their birthday? It seems like no one understands my reasoning. I hate being the center of attention. I hate being surprised. I hate being around groups of people. I hate myself and i don't understand why anyone would want to celebrate the day i was born. All I've done is fuck up, hurt people, be lazy, and be an asshole. For some reason nobody understands that i dont want to be wished a happy birthday. I dont want presents. I dont want to be alive. I dont want to be the center of attention. I dont want to be treated special. I dont want to exist.