Happiness Comes from the Inside, Not the Outside
I think I've spent much of my life chasing the same or similar goals: Graduating at the top of my class in high school. Getting top grades in college. Getting into a top graduate program. Starting a business earning a large amount of revenue. And always, always being thin. The thinner, the better. And the better wardrobe and decor and other fixtures, the better.
I used to think that I became addicted to gambling to deal with the stress. Because I always put so much pressure on myself to achieve my goals and to stay being "the best". And also because I would tear myself down when I would get a less-than-perfect grade or review or my revenues weren't where I thought they should be. And, of course, when I didn't look the way that I wanted to look.
And then I thought I became addicted to gambling to get more money. Though I lost more than I won over the past nine years, I sincerely thought that I could win a significant portion back. It wasn't until I read a few of the horror stories on this gambling forum that I realized a huge win would probably only feed the addiction more.
But it occurred to me recently that I've been building success on a house of cards. Don't get me wrong, I still would like to get our company's revenue to be seven or eight figures in the next year or two, and I would like to still drop 25-30 pounds. But it's not that.
It's that the internal goals have to come before the external goals. No matter how many awards I won or A's I got or accounts I opened, I never felt like I was truly successful or satisfied or complete. It sounds almost hokey, but I needed to learn how to love myself, how to accept myself, how to know and acknowledge and understand myself when I'm just being, not doing. And that has been really, really hard.
I'm focusing on making each day about how much peace, love, joy, enthusiasm, self-confidence, satisfaction at a job well done, connection, authenticity, and positivity I can bring to it. Not what I can take from the day, but what I can bring to the day.
And that is, well, life-changing. I actually feel like I will probably reach my goals faster this way. But that's not the point.
I used to think that I became addicted to gambling to deal with the stress. Because I always put so much pressure on myself to achieve my goals and to stay being "the best". And also because I would tear myself down when I would get a less-than-perfect grade or review or my revenues weren't where I thought they should be. And, of course, when I didn't look the way that I wanted to look.
And then I thought I became addicted to gambling to get more money. Though I lost more than I won over the past nine years, I sincerely thought that I could win a significant portion back. It wasn't until I read a few of the horror stories on this gambling forum that I realized a huge win would probably only feed the addiction more.
But it occurred to me recently that I've been building success on a house of cards. Don't get me wrong, I still would like to get our company's revenue to be seven or eight figures in the next year or two, and I would like to still drop 25-30 pounds. But it's not that.
It's that the internal goals have to come before the external goals. No matter how many awards I won or A's I got or accounts I opened, I never felt like I was truly successful or satisfied or complete. It sounds almost hokey, but I needed to learn how to love myself, how to accept myself, how to know and acknowledge and understand myself when I'm just being, not doing. And that has been really, really hard.
I'm focusing on making each day about how much peace, love, joy, enthusiasm, self-confidence, satisfaction at a job well done, connection, authenticity, and positivity I can bring to it. Not what I can take from the day, but what I can bring to the day.
And that is, well, life-changing. I actually feel like I will probably reach my goals faster this way. But that's not the point.
Replies
brava!!
@itsjustmeagain- Thanks!