Good Mood

Woke up in a great mood! Well the 4th time I woke up haha. Seriously can't fall asleep at night and then wake up multiple times during the night and I have to change sheets and clothes because of my ridiculous night sweats. Got up, made breakfast, fixed my Microbiology report, read. Then had to clean-Had to no choice. My body made me. I went out on the patio and clean the balcony. I swept, cleaned flower pots, washed windows, cleaned the railings, polished the wooden chairs, the carpet wasn't clean enough so I brought out and vacummed. OMG it is SPOTLESS NOW!!!! Makes me so happy. Forgot to eat lunch- oh well.
Had two phenomenal dog walks!! Both my favorite pups. I got a new client that started today. So now I'm at 10-12 walks per week. :)
After that had an appointment with my psychiatrst. That sucked. It had been 2 months so I had a lot of confessing to do. And since I saw him last my weight dropped 6 pounds. He asked what the plan was if I continue to lose and I said nothing. I'm not going anywhere unless someone picks me up and brings me somewhere. He responded with, well real soon you become medically unstable and then I have the right to put you somewhere. Fuck that. I just wont see him then if I got to that point. He wants to bump up my Effexor and Lamictal. So he bumped up my Effexor to 300mg and when I see him in 3 weeks again he is going to bump my lamictal from 300mg to 400mg. He also said if I continue to not sleep well to bump my trazadone to 100mg and lastly when the ativan doesn't work to take 2mg verses 1mg. Phew I feel like a lab rat.
I have no desire to do anything. No motivation. I don't even give a fuck about studying for my practical tomorrow or my final on thursday. fuck it. who cares.
Fuck life. It's not worth it anymore.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Damn, your psych certainly believes in medicating things away doesn\'t he. Forgetting lunch is not cool and believe me you don\'t want to be forced IP. It\'s bad enough to be there voluntarily but you already know that. Went a little ocd with the cleaning, didn\'t you, lol. Hope tomorrow is better.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh I hate meds...and feeling that... That skipping lunch thing isn\'t going to help you at all... I agree with Karrin, that going involuntary won\'t be good... I was in your same spot about 6 months ago, and well I was scared and said I just won\'t see you..but if they know whats going on they still can do something.. So please keep fighting ed.. its him talking not you!!! You my friend have a lot going for you... you are a good person, coach, daughter, friend ect... I sure hope you have a better day..
tuxedomck
tuxedomck

Fuck food. Fuck meds. Fuck life.
ann54
ann54

so sorry you are feeling this bad about yourself and life right now. it really sucks and you can get stuck in the rut, but you need to crawl out of it. you are a wonderful woman with so much to give and share. you take a lot of the same meds as i do, and when they finally got adjusted to the right amt., i felt so much better. so, give the meds a chance and time to help. you know that not eating lunch is not good and not helping you, fight damn ED and eat something! hugsss for a better day
tuxedomck
tuxedomck

tri- you said that if i dont see him he can do something....what does that mean?