Going on

How in the world am I supposed to go on.  I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow and I can't even make it through the next five minutes.  I've never experienced such a deep and overwhelming ache in me.  I'm hoping this journal will help me make the journey out of this darkness I'm in.  Maybe I shouldn't try to go back to work yet.  It may be too soon.  Who am I kidding, I've still got bills to pay and since I'm not independently wealthy, I really HAVE to go back tomorrow.  I'm out of leave time already and will have to take a couple days of the last two weeks without pay. My innermost feelings tell me I will get through this, but when the pain starts....I'm lost in my grief.