gloomy and depressing day
Today was HARD AS SHIT.
The depressing, cold, rainy, overcast weather makes things so much worse for me. Woke up in a depressed lazy mood. Did not want to get out of bed, but when I got up I couldn't go back to sleep. Fuck. I hate my sleep schedule. Waking up constantly. Sweating constantly. Changing clothes and sheets constantly. It sucks.
Felt a little better once I started moving outside, but I knew I could not go back home because I knew something would happen. Walked two dogs, picked up an extra 2 walks tomorrow so I had to get the key for that, then did some errands.
I made a mistake. I bought razor blades. BUT....I did not use them. I wanted to. And I still want to. But I am not letting myself.
These are the kinds of days where I just want to disappear and run away.
Unfortunately because I did not work today, that meant that I had to go to Chris' (carlos mom's husband) birthday dinner/party/shit. I did NOT want to go. Got dressed in some clothes that probably made me look like a million pounds and went over. Got RIDICULOUSLY HIGH anxiety when the pulled out the whole mother fucking pork roast. I wanted to vomit. Then so many people and so much food in such a small house. I wanted to get the hell out of there.
Got a big glass of red wine which calmed me down a little.
Praying for a better day tomorrow. And maybe some sun.
The depressing, cold, rainy, overcast weather makes things so much worse for me. Woke up in a depressed lazy mood. Did not want to get out of bed, but when I got up I couldn't go back to sleep. Fuck. I hate my sleep schedule. Waking up constantly. Sweating constantly. Changing clothes and sheets constantly. It sucks.
Felt a little better once I started moving outside, but I knew I could not go back home because I knew something would happen. Walked two dogs, picked up an extra 2 walks tomorrow so I had to get the key for that, then did some errands.
I made a mistake. I bought razor blades. BUT....I did not use them. I wanted to. And I still want to. But I am not letting myself.
These are the kinds of days where I just want to disappear and run away.
Unfortunately because I did not work today, that meant that I had to go to Chris' (carlos mom's husband) birthday dinner/party/shit. I did NOT want to go. Got dressed in some clothes that probably made me look like a million pounds and went over. Got RIDICULOUSLY HIGH anxiety when the pulled out the whole mother fucking pork roast. I wanted to vomit. Then so many people and so much food in such a small house. I wanted to get the hell out of there.
Got a big glass of red wine which calmed me down a little.
Praying for a better day tomorrow. And maybe some sun.
Replies
Ok, the blades need to be tossed and I\'m gonna bug you about it.
The dinner, yikes. That\'s what always gets me, why is there so much damn food for a few people. It makes me so nervous and sick to my stomach. I would have laughed my ass off if you would have vomited on the roast. Bon apetite!
ya, toss those blades, asap!! great job on not cutting, but no need to chance it, so toss. omg, i have had the same shitty weather it is awful, so gloomy i am so sick of it. it seems to have been cloudy or rained all summer, now into october, ughh the weather definetly affects ones mood and not in a good way. at least you will get out of the house with the dog walking. omg, that dinner, anxietxy alert!!!i would of been flipping out. i hope you have a better day today. hugsssss