Getting into a routine but still sad..

I'm getting into a routine with my daily life. Doing the things I need to do again. I don't turn every light on in the house anymore. I'm sleeping through the night. Get up, get dressed, go to work. Watch all my favorite shows since I have the remote now. Spend my money on exactly what I want - no thinking of anyone else. And I miss thinking of someone else. I still pause in front of the foods he likes at the grocery. Early this week something funny happened at work and my first though was I have to tell him. It was instant in my head. My second thought was nope I won't. And that was enough to make me depressed for the rest of the day. I hate that I'm sad. I hate that I'm the one alone and he has someone to be with. He was the one that was wrong. Why am I the one that is miserable? The shock is gone, the numbness is gone - But there is no joy in Mudville. I'm just existing. I don't plan on running out and replacing him because I pretty sure it's going to takes awhile before I don't look at men and wonder how long it will take before they cheat on me. And that will be after I do a background check. I want back what I thought I had before I found out he was a cheat and lier. There's a country song - I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then. My therapist tells me there are good men out in the world, men who want what I want. Men who treasure their partners. But will I be able to trust again? What do I have to do to be happy again? Really happy. Because we are going into the holidays and it will be so different this year. Sigh......