Getting contol over my life
There is so much stuff going on in my head. This morning I spoke to one of my BFFs and told her about yesterday and Saturday. I said, why would he say that I said something when I know I didn't?? It's totally messing with my head! She said because he doesn't want to apologise; he knows he fucked up but he wouldn't admit it and this way he can make it all my fault (as always), and make me responsible for everything! I didn't even think about this but she is damn right! Smart girl!
Then I read some stuff about 'rescue' relationships. That's what this was. When we met, I only separated from exN 7 months before. The divorce was going on and I was very vulnerable. He was always 'rescuing' me, but when my divorce came through in Oct 2010 and around Dec I started to feel stronger again, he hated it and got nastier (he had angry outbursts before though...) He was great but very controlling if I had a crisis, or was sick etc. When work was rubbish last summer, he was telling me to quit work and let him look after me. Thank god I didn't fall for that otherwise the control would have got even worse and I would have been even more vulnerable. He couldn't handle the real me.
Today I barred his email addresses from contacting my email account, deleted all emails he ever sent, deleted his phone numbers. I'll see if I can get his mobile number barred. I never want to speak with him, get any form of communication from him or see him. I don't want to have to worry any time my phone rings or beeps, or I check my emails. Sad, miserable bastard, I just want him OUT OF MY LIFE for good!
I also barred him on FB and stopped being friends with her sister; we only met once and didn't really liked each other, were just FB friends for BPDX' sake. His sisters and his parents don't evn know we split up!!
I used to worry that he'll tell his patents that the break up and he'll blame me or make me look bad or say bad things about me (I met his parents last summer, and we mutually like each other. Now I don't even care at all what he says or what they thing.
So, this is my 1st NC day :-)
I hope time will heal my broken heart and I can rebuild my shattered self-esteem!
Well, new life, here I come! :-)
Then I read some stuff about 'rescue' relationships. That's what this was. When we met, I only separated from exN 7 months before. The divorce was going on and I was very vulnerable. He was always 'rescuing' me, but when my divorce came through in Oct 2010 and around Dec I started to feel stronger again, he hated it and got nastier (he had angry outbursts before though...) He was great but very controlling if I had a crisis, or was sick etc. When work was rubbish last summer, he was telling me to quit work and let him look after me. Thank god I didn't fall for that otherwise the control would have got even worse and I would have been even more vulnerable. He couldn't handle the real me.
Today I barred his email addresses from contacting my email account, deleted all emails he ever sent, deleted his phone numbers. I'll see if I can get his mobile number barred. I never want to speak with him, get any form of communication from him or see him. I don't want to have to worry any time my phone rings or beeps, or I check my emails. Sad, miserable bastard, I just want him OUT OF MY LIFE for good!
I also barred him on FB and stopped being friends with her sister; we only met once and didn't really liked each other, were just FB friends for BPDX' sake. His sisters and his parents don't evn know we split up!!
I used to worry that he'll tell his patents that the break up and he'll blame me or make me look bad or say bad things about me (I met his parents last summer, and we mutually like each other. Now I don't even care at all what he says or what they thing.
So, this is my 1st NC day :-)
I hope time will heal my broken heart and I can rebuild my shattered self-esteem!
Well, new life, here I come! :-)
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