getting closer

It's getting closer now and with every step I take I feel like I am going to be sick.  I went and got the cashiers check for the move in deposit and then went online to rent a truck.  I have at least three guys, and one is bringing two sons.  I am hoping this will make it go quickly.  I would like to be out of here quickly but also don't want the cats to have to be freaking out in their carriers for too long.

Taking such a large sum of money out of the bank all at once really made me want to throw up.  Knowing that I have another big bill next week with Remi's surgery coming up...I thought I was going to throw up again and then making the reservation for the rental truck..ugh.

For the first time in ages I was going to go and buy some smokes....I REALLY wanted to.  I still want to...but I won't

It's that time of night when I get sad...I'm not sure why this happens really.  It's not like I haven't spent many nights without him in the house...and it's been years since we slept in the same room.  I have the animals...they make me laugh when they aren't sleeping.

I think maybe it is that longing to connect with someone you are in a relationship with..to have cuddle time...I think I have a vague and distant memory of what that was like.   If I am ever in a relationship again,  that is required...it's not optional..just saying