Getting by ok

Still riding the roller coaster of grief.  Most days I do well.  Bad days I don't even get out of bed.  I have no ambition to even clean the house, and believe me, It needs done badly.  I keep telling myself tomorrow, but then I still don't have the ambition.  So many things that need to be done.  I need to have my car looked at, my mother is not doing so well and is in intensive care right now.  Haven't gotten up to see her yet.  My sister has been taking care of everything for her.  Just can't bear the thought of walking into another hospital.  The last time was when Gene died.  I can't even watch shows on TV that have hospital scenes in them or people dying.  Weird, I know, but true.  It's been so cold here and all I want to do is curl up under a warm blanket and read.  My depression is keeping me from living my life to it's fullest and I still miss Gene so much I can't think about him without breaking down.  When will it all end.  I am still waiting for the day when I can look back on all the wonderful times we had together and not feel sad.