general rambling

I haven't written in my journal for a very long time.  Maybe I am just resigned to my condition and that nothing will ever make it better.  I have come to recognize that certain times of the year and more difficult for me than others.  Something about the change into winter always brings on more anxiety.  Not very surprising since I am the sunshine girl and hate being cold and hate the short dark days.  Some days I am just so tired of it all.  Every day this week I wake feeling sick.  I am not sick.  I have not been around anyone that was sick and I wash my hands a million times a day.  It is just anxiety that brings the nausea..and maybe a little allergies. There is something so depressing about knowing that on some level you are doing it to yourself and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
I go through the motions of my daily relationships but I am resigned to the fact that in the end I am alone.  My boyfriend often stays in the bay area overnight and I spend my evening either doing homework or losing myself in books and TV.  I have noticed that I tend to journal more toward the end of a semester.  Maybe the pressure of work and school is one reason I am not faithful to keeping track like I intended.  Seven more classes and I will be done.  It doesn't seem like many but when you can only take two a semester and they do not offer much during the summer it means more than another year of school.  It may be the longest associates degree in history.  I should check with Guinness.