FUCKING FINISHED
what the fuck. i finally wrote a journal and it didn't appear. i get more pissed off as the day goes on. luckily its 830 at night and i have two beers.
what i said was along the lines of....FUCK THIS MOTHER COCK SUCKING BULLSHIT. last tursday weighed 97.5 at jills. goal was to get to 100 by this upcoming monday. so 2.5 pounds in 14 days. same day i weighed myself on the scale in the gym so i could have a comparison point since jill is out of town this week and i need to keep checking to see if im on goal. so that day it was 98 on this scale. monday it was 99. okay fine. today it was 101. WHAT FUCK. Thats 3 pounds up from what i weighed on the scale last friday. 3 pounds up from monday. i thought this was a gradual increasae. now i'm giong to become a huge mother fucking obese whale. I am even more angry, upset, and fucking PISSED TO HIGH FUCKING HELL.
FUc k this all.the deal is off. I passed the goal. Dumping the boost. fuck this bullshit. i quit.
what i said was along the lines of....FUCK THIS MOTHER COCK SUCKING BULLSHIT. last tursday weighed 97.5 at jills. goal was to get to 100 by this upcoming monday. so 2.5 pounds in 14 days. same day i weighed myself on the scale in the gym so i could have a comparison point since jill is out of town this week and i need to keep checking to see if im on goal. so that day it was 98 on this scale. monday it was 99. okay fine. today it was 101. WHAT FUCK. Thats 3 pounds up from what i weighed on the scale last friday. 3 pounds up from monday. i thought this was a gradual increasae. now i'm giong to become a huge mother fucking obese whale. I am even more angry, upset, and fucking PISSED TO HIGH FUCKING HELL.
FUc k this all.the deal is off. I passed the goal. Dumping the boost. fuck this bullshit. i quit.
Replies
I guess you will be seeing the inside of a treatment center soon, then. You passed the goal but you haven\'t made any progress. Sorry to say it so harshly but I think that you need to hear it.
Nope will not go. Not needed.
please don\'t give up. you deserve to be healthy.
Stephanie,
I know you don\'t want to hear this but Karrin is right. You need to go to a treatment center or some sort of intensive place that can help you. Food is one of the issues but you really have a lot of anger. Read back on your past journals and most of them you are so upset and stressed. You shouldn\'t have to live your life in turmoil all the time and I am betting that they can help you if you give them the opportunity. Don\'t throw in the towel - that is letting your eating disorder win and you are better than that. If Joanna is still out of town then find someone that can help you now and make an appointment. We all believe in you - I guess the question is do you believe in yourself? Please don\'t get mad at what I am saying - just listen and hear where we are coming from. You need more help than what you are getting now. Do it for Carlos if you don\'t want to do it for yourself. That is what I had to do to get myself moving forward - I did it for my husband and somewhere along the way I really wanted to do it for myself. I hope you will take note to what I am saying.
Hugs, Jolie
Thanks. I\'m not angry with any comments from anyone. I
Just don\'t think I\'m in a bad place right now to have to go anywhere.
It\'s my dietitian that\'s out of town, not my
Therapist. I see my therapist Joanna tomorrow morning.
wow, you are so filled with anger and disgust with yourself. i dont think you realize the depth of how you are doing, most likely denial. i so agree that IP is needed badly, but you will be making that decison or the paramedics will when you are half dead on the floor, why do you want to wait till you are on your death bed. why are you so against IP? i want badly for you to see the light before it is to late. hugss