From 6th to 7th Grade
During my meditation sessions, in order to feel connected to myself, I imagine sitting at a wooden table -near a beach under a tree that keeps out the sun. At the table is my 6th grade self, my 7th grade self, my current self, my older wiser self, and a very younger self (3 or 4).
My 7th grade self has been the focus as of late. She seems incredibly sad, very quiet. My 7th grade self feels a solid sense of self-hate. Hate at how she looks (gained lots of weight), how scared she is, an extreme inabiliy to express herself "show" herself. hiding - operating on "survival" mode constantly. Doing what she needed to do at the time to get by. Not having the ability to access a wise part of herself because it was cut off. She was operating on a limited band of frequency. My 6th grade self hideDuring a parent teacher conference in 6th grade, my teacher told me parents that I had not done a single homework assignment - I was missing over 22 assignments. I remember thinking to myself, "what is he talking about? I don't remember a single assignment." 6th grade is like a big black hole and when I came out of that darkness - I was no longer myself. I was suddenly limited in access. Scared. quiet. defeated. I sometimes think that 6/7th grade may have been the worst part of my life.
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It's wonderful that you're able to reach your younger selves like that and bring them to such a peaceful place. I feel so much sorrow and compassion for those girls.
Do you talk to them? Do you assure them of your love, acceptance and understanding? It sounds like they could really use a loving and respectful adult presence.
(((hugs))) to you and them.
Thank you for sharing. It brought up some memories for me i had buried back in there. I was bullied and the doctor calls it childhood stockholm syndrome. 5th and 6th grade were a total blur for me, it is when it all started to happen and she began making me do horrible things. It is really great you can see this.
The place you go in your meditation sounds safe and peaceful. It's wonderful that you bring your inner children to such a beautiful and calm place.
I am sorry for all you have been through. So happy your inner children now have you to love them and keep them safe. (((Hugs)))
Thanks everyone for your wonderful comments. Doo - i'm sad to read about her making you do horrible things. it's awful. I also have stockholm sydrome. In answer to your question DonnaWanda, I know I don't reassure my younger parts ideally. I tell them the truth. that is, that i'm really trying to find love. During my meditations I often cry because I empathize with those parts, and I want them to know they are no longer alone. I tell the that I am here - and I'm going to do the best job that I can.
And thank you for your thoughtful comments LuckyEmpath :)