Friday....wooooohooooooooo
yes...that was a wooooohooooo. Of course, usually when I am in this great a mood it is followed by a hell of an anxiety attack...but for now I am going with it. I told myself I am not going to worry myself into it. I have reasons to be happy...I finished the semester yesterday and although I don't think I got an A in history at least I did not bomb out. I have some really good friends here that have been totally making my day...even the virus from hell does not seem to be such a big deal today..although without my laptop yesterday...and the Doctor and school I kinda felt out of touch and did not get a chance to journal.
He's been really nice and sweet for the last week or so...not drinking as much...staying awake most of the evening(although still sleeping in the living room). He has always had really great radar where I am concerned. He always knows when he's pushed me so far that I withdraw..then he tries to repair it enough that I will not leave. This time I think he has seen that I am not getting immediately sucked back in. I have no idea if I will be able to continue..only time will tell. I am giving myself through the holidays and see what happens. Whether I love him or not I am not happy with the way things are. After my anxiety attack last Friday...and the way he told me just to "get online with my friends because THEY make me smile" I still think maybe I just need to be alone for a while.
I have horrible guilt at the thought of leaving him though. I know he really loves me whatever his issues are.
After the stress of my final last night..I thought I would be super tired this morning...but I woke and for the first time in a long while realized I was looking forward to the day. I had not planned on going to the gym today but I felt good so I went. I even dared to speak to the grump and ask if he wanted to go...he did not so I went by myself..(now I get what they meant in the forecast when they said freezing fog). I got back and started to look at my mom's laptop that is still under warranty..while I was bringing it up..I was talking to the animals who were all around me of course. He was at his computer and looked at me really strangely and said..my you are in a good mood today. I laughed and said yeah..is that bad? He said no but still looked at me strangely.
I had told him a couple of days prior when he started to give me a to do list for my half day off that I was invited to a holiday lunch at one of my properties and I would not be coming right home. He was not happy about it and I did not care. so about halfway through my getting ready for work it finally dawned on me(cause I'm a little slow sometimes) why he was looking at me so strangely for being in a good mood. He thinks I have a date or something this afternoon. 9 years and the man still thinks I cheat...stupid. Of course...he kind of considers me talking to friends online as cheating in a way too....gets me all twisted around and feeling guilty for having friends.
oh well...Happy Friday
He's been really nice and sweet for the last week or so...not drinking as much...staying awake most of the evening(although still sleeping in the living room). He has always had really great radar where I am concerned. He always knows when he's pushed me so far that I withdraw..then he tries to repair it enough that I will not leave. This time I think he has seen that I am not getting immediately sucked back in. I have no idea if I will be able to continue..only time will tell. I am giving myself through the holidays and see what happens. Whether I love him or not I am not happy with the way things are. After my anxiety attack last Friday...and the way he told me just to "get online with my friends because THEY make me smile" I still think maybe I just need to be alone for a while.
I have horrible guilt at the thought of leaving him though. I know he really loves me whatever his issues are.
After the stress of my final last night..I thought I would be super tired this morning...but I woke and for the first time in a long while realized I was looking forward to the day. I had not planned on going to the gym today but I felt good so I went. I even dared to speak to the grump and ask if he wanted to go...he did not so I went by myself..(now I get what they meant in the forecast when they said freezing fog). I got back and started to look at my mom's laptop that is still under warranty..while I was bringing it up..I was talking to the animals who were all around me of course. He was at his computer and looked at me really strangely and said..my you are in a good mood today. I laughed and said yeah..is that bad? He said no but still looked at me strangely.
I had told him a couple of days prior when he started to give me a to do list for my half day off that I was invited to a holiday lunch at one of my properties and I would not be coming right home. He was not happy about it and I did not care. so about halfway through my getting ready for work it finally dawned on me(cause I'm a little slow sometimes) why he was looking at me so strangely for being in a good mood. He thinks I have a date or something this afternoon. 9 years and the man still thinks I cheat...stupid. Of course...he kind of considers me talking to friends online as cheating in a way too....gets me all twisted around and feeling guilty for having friends.
oh well...Happy Friday
Replies
Don\'t ever let him make you feel guilty for having friends and doing fun things for yourself. You DESERVE to have fun, girl!
I\'m so glad you\'re feeling good, and it\'s wonderful to see that bright green face!
Dear Freaky,
Your correct in your thinking that worrying about an anxiety attack only brings on one. Do not live in fear of one but say the hell with anxiety and go on about your life!
Living alone until you figure out where this anxiety stems from is what I chose to do. Not allowing myself to get into a relationship until I have it completely under control.
A huge congrats on finishing the semester. HINT HINT: No one cares about your grade scores in the real world, only if you passed or failed.
Now relax! Good work! Eric
There is no \'middle ground\' with cheating. You are or you are not - simple. Sad, that he has the pain of being so insecure. I think the two of you make a good couple. Every couple has their issues and you two seem to really love each other though and that is so rare really anymore.
((hugs))
:-) Patricia