Friday night

Well, my mother got out of the hospital on Wednesday.  Her legs looked great but after just two days they are getting red and sore again.  The nurse was here today and said she needs to spend more time in bed with her legs elevated.  It's the only thing that's going to keep the swelling down so she doesn't get anymore sores.  We'll see if she follows through on that.
The closer it gets to the one year anniversary of Gene's death, the harder the days are getting.  I know it is still six weeks away, but I keep reliving the day in my head.  I miss him more and more each day and can't believe it's been nearly 11 months.  It's taken me this long too realize there isn't my side of the bed and Gene's side of the bed.  It's just my bed now and it's lonely and cold. 
My brother in law is coming over tomorrow and I'm going to take him out to dinner for his birthday.  Of course, we'll be going to my son's restaurant. 
i'm getting really tired of telling people I'm doing fine when I feel like I'm dying inside little by little.  I just want to scream and tell them exactly how I feel.  Lost, lonely, tired and sad.