Fri Night sept 9 2011
Finally, Daily Strength seems to be getting back on it's feet. It was a long frustrating day. You don't realize how you come to rely on it to be there but on days like today..it's fuel for the fire.
It is the strangest sensation sometimes to feel the anxiety coming..completely in a physical sense. Sure I have not been doing great as of late..but we are all just hanging out on a Friday night...the kids are here...we do a nice easy dinner. Mostly I think I feel relaxed.
There is a strange feeling of shakiness..I am not afraid..I do not feel upset..but the shakiness persists. This is one of those few times when I still wonder if it's really a physical probllem with my brain or something subconscious and emotional. I know it is GAD and no one really knows for sure...I hear the debates from my doctors...the shrink who writes the prescription believes it's a chemical imbalance...the counselor believes it is an emotional thing that triggers a physical response...my medical doctor believes it's a little of both. I never am quite sure what I believe. There are certainly times when I feel an emotional trigger that I can point to..but this...is so strange I am sure I even describe it in correct detail. I go back to reading for a while listening to the kids laugh..have a texting war with a couple of friends..It's a pretty lighthearted evening..but I can still feel that edge...in the background. I'm so tired of late and this feeling sometimes is a prelude to those nights when I can't seem to relax and sleep..so I ask myself...do I weather it out...or just take that extra dose hoping for a good night's sleep. I'm still on the fence so I read a little more...We go get dinner..there's weather coming in tonight..maybe even a thunderstorm...I keep reading.
finally, I start to shake a little more and feel the beginnings of the nausea...ok fine...so I take that extra dose...a couple of ibuprofen...take a shower...setting myself up for that relaxing night....curling up with my dog and two cats as usual since there's no chance he'll actually want to be there with me. At least my pets love me without question.
Now, after the shower I am hot and nauseated...It's 10pm and the a/c is still kicking on...the clouds have brought humidity and there is not one ounce of delta breeze tonight. So, it's a huge relief to find DS is running better and I am able to actually write in my journal....I have cooled off a bit...time to let the dog out since she is mercilessly reminding me I am late with her nighttime treats ....never doubt the internal clock of a Belgian lol
It is the strangest sensation sometimes to feel the anxiety coming..completely in a physical sense. Sure I have not been doing great as of late..but we are all just hanging out on a Friday night...the kids are here...we do a nice easy dinner. Mostly I think I feel relaxed.
There is a strange feeling of shakiness..I am not afraid..I do not feel upset..but the shakiness persists. This is one of those few times when I still wonder if it's really a physical probllem with my brain or something subconscious and emotional. I know it is GAD and no one really knows for sure...I hear the debates from my doctors...the shrink who writes the prescription believes it's a chemical imbalance...the counselor believes it is an emotional thing that triggers a physical response...my medical doctor believes it's a little of both. I never am quite sure what I believe. There are certainly times when I feel an emotional trigger that I can point to..but this...is so strange I am sure I even describe it in correct detail. I go back to reading for a while listening to the kids laugh..have a texting war with a couple of friends..It's a pretty lighthearted evening..but I can still feel that edge...in the background. I'm so tired of late and this feeling sometimes is a prelude to those nights when I can't seem to relax and sleep..so I ask myself...do I weather it out...or just take that extra dose hoping for a good night's sleep. I'm still on the fence so I read a little more...We go get dinner..there's weather coming in tonight..maybe even a thunderstorm...I keep reading.
finally, I start to shake a little more and feel the beginnings of the nausea...ok fine...so I take that extra dose...a couple of ibuprofen...take a shower...setting myself up for that relaxing night....curling up with my dog and two cats as usual since there's no chance he'll actually want to be there with me. At least my pets love me without question.
Now, after the shower I am hot and nauseated...It's 10pm and the a/c is still kicking on...the clouds have brought humidity and there is not one ounce of delta breeze tonight. So, it's a huge relief to find DS is running better and I am able to actually write in my journal....I have cooled off a bit...time to let the dog out since she is mercilessly reminding me I am late with her nighttime treats ....never doubt the internal clock of a Belgian lol
Replies