freak outs

This is when i get to feeling desperately hopeless.  My anxiety is through the roof, no matter how many benzos I've taken to try to calm...deep breathing, meditation nothing is helping.  I'm angry as hell but crying periodically.  i hope it's just hormones, but I don't think so.  it feels so awful I get desperate and blindly run for bad coping mechs (though those haven't been working either for better or worse).  I'm trying this, just to write, continuing to try the "constructive" stuff, but this frantic, desperate feeling won't go the hell away.  If i curl into a ball and successfully fall asleep that will temp. help but then i'd be more frantic than ever upon waking.  I can't stand this.  I cannot stand this.  Who can stand this?  Is there anything stronger than benzos and won't make me sleepy or sick?  Honestly, I just need to function!!!!!!