Forgot to mention...
I forgot to mention, I was asked to and was leading a small grief group for grieving widows, well after 3 sessions I told my Pastor, I just couldn't do it any more...
Most of them were either 6 months to a year in their journey, well one 'lady' kept just looking at me, and one time I was talking about how I found comfort in journaling, well she yells out, "Well you have it easy, you get to go home and HUG your HUSBAND!" I was 'flabbergasted'… my mouth dropped open...
I turned to her and said, well Ms sos and so, you have the 3 sons who are staying with you right, now, 2 came in from out of town and they are helping you grieve, CORRECT? She said yes! I said, well at least you get to go home tonight and HUG your children… Got up, told my Pastor, I was sorry, this wasn't going to work and LEFT!
Couldn't believe it… I should have handled it differently, but I didn't and I guess that's OK. I've become friends with some of the ladies from the group and they reached out and told me what she said was not right and yes it made me glad I did get to go home and HUG my husband, but OH, to hug my baby, my 33 year old son, just one more time.
Yes I went home and HUGGED Wes and even asked him, OK, I really need to learn how to set the time on my DVD player, microwave, clocks etc… Because that and bills was the one common thing these women had. So I feel better and now my Tuesdays are free again so I'm walking with my WALKING for Wellness group.
Moms who get it.
Julie
Most of them were either 6 months to a year in their journey, well one 'lady' kept just looking at me, and one time I was talking about how I found comfort in journaling, well she yells out, "Well you have it easy, you get to go home and HUG your HUSBAND!" I was 'flabbergasted'… my mouth dropped open...
I turned to her and said, well Ms sos and so, you have the 3 sons who are staying with you right, now, 2 came in from out of town and they are helping you grieve, CORRECT? She said yes! I said, well at least you get to go home tonight and HUG your children… Got up, told my Pastor, I was sorry, this wasn't going to work and LEFT!
Couldn't believe it… I should have handled it differently, but I didn't and I guess that's OK. I've become friends with some of the ladies from the group and they reached out and told me what she said was not right and yes it made me glad I did get to go home and HUG my husband, but OH, to hug my baby, my 33 year old son, just one more time.
Yes I went home and HUGGED Wes and even asked him, OK, I really need to learn how to set the time on my DVD player, microwave, clocks etc… Because that and bills was the one common thing these women had. So I feel better and now my Tuesdays are free again so I'm walking with my WALKING for Wellness group.
Moms who get it.
Julie
Replies
Wow...I so understand!!! I have to say, I have often thought it would have been easier to lose my husband...but the widows don\'t see it that way. I guess we all think our grief is the worst grief...one thing for sure, we all need to be grateful for who we have left.
Thanks, it is true, I didn\'t\' want it to be a contest, but I guess she though it was But I did go home and hug my husband and learned a few things, like how to set time on DVD player. :)
Kudos to you for trying. It is not something I would have attempted, since I believe that there is no death nearly as devastating as that of a child. I realize it must be hard to lose your spouse, but really, one has to go first and married people know that. I am at a lose for much more since I don\'t have a spouse but I still don\'t see how it compares. And maybe it is best that you made some friends but don\'t deal with women who have lost husbands. Maybe a parent\'s group would be better.
Peace.
you tried,,, kudos for trying....love ya!
(((hugs)))
I\'m sorry for the comment....it was said out of her own pain and frustration and anger. But even understanding that, it\'s hurts...and it\'s unfair for us to be subjected to these sorts of comments.
I\'m glad you were able to say what you needed to say and to know that this group was no longer working for you.
Tight hugs~~Teri
Thanks y\'all, I think my Pastor was wanting me to explain to them, that we all Grieve, just at different levels, act, but again, wasn\'t for me. And I do have a Grief Group that have lost someone to Drugs, wether it is a son/daughter/brother/sister and least there they get it and never judge.
The grieving widows need a group lead by a grieving widow that is for sure. We cannot know one another\'s paths and good for you for knowing what you need.
Each loss is so unique and that is why groups led by others who walk the same path are vital. That is what makes FMO what it is for each of us. Other women who speak the language of grief, loss and one day finding hope after the loss of their beloved children.
Hand in hand and Heart to heart,
XO Joanie