for her

I have written this entry a thousand times before but she doesnt know that. If all goes according to plan this will be the last entry I ever write. She has chosen to take her own life and now I must try to follow her. I tried to slit my wrist but my blade was too dull  and my scar tissue too thick so tomorrow I am going to get new ones and some blood thinners along with a massive amount of stimulants just to be on the safe side.   If I don't succeed I will try the train yard a few miles south of here. If for some dumb reason that doesnt work there are always other ways. I said I wouldn't let go and I don't intend to.  I love you and I'm sorry I wasn't enough. I promise to try harder in the next life. If there is a heaven that is where you're going. I told god I take full responsibility of your life and this would make me a killer. I'm not an overly religious man but if there is a god I am sure he heard me as I prayed for the first time in several years that I take responsibility for her life. 
To anyone else reading this goodbye.