Follow the path ....
I work for an amazing agency in a small town in MD. We do psych rehab and I manage the team who works in our community residential program. My team serves 18 people in our 6 apts and over all our agency serves about 200 people. It's a difficult job at times but so rewarding as well. What I want to share with you today are two things ~ one, that I was led here. I didn't always do this work. The second is, that it's an amazing place to work where employees and those people we support form a family that touches lives more than most can imagine.
Randy Lee's birthday just passed and like always, I take that week as vacation. I do the same for his angel date in March. I never know how I'm going to feel so it's just better to remove myself from work and have that time to allow myself to do what I need. Every September my agency has a Rememberance Day for anyone in our "family" that has passed during that previous year or just anyone we need to acknowledge we remember who has helped us. This year the day was my second back to work. On part of our land, we planted this beautiful oak tree since it's a sign of strength and lives on and on. It's surrounded by some benches and a large stone with an etching "no one is truly gone who lives in our hearts". We all gather - employees, people we service, local clergy and have a simple service where we share. When you hear people who honest to God have no other person in their life look at you and say "thank you for saving me during this loss" it lets you know that you are on the right path. Hearing stories of loss, coping, strength from someone who walked into my program 2 years ago wanting to die and now standing strong ~ lets me know I am where I belong. Saying a silent prayer beneath this huge tree and getting hit in the head with an acorn the moment I think "I love you Randy Lee and miss you so very much" did make me smile. 30 mins beneath an oak tree and 1 acorn falls on my head .... oh yeah, my mind goes straight to "signs" :)
I used to work for the board of education. I worked with "problem" children or those who needed support in the classeroom. I loved that job. I loved going to school every day and working with the kids. The joy of seeing a child experts said would never talk know his ABC's to say and by sight. It was rewarding as well. I tried to go back to this work about 6 months after Randy Lee died. My heart wasn't there. I just couldn't do it. So I stayed in my depressed mode a tad longer until one morning I went to the kitchen to get some tea and the newspaper was laying on the island. It was folded but my eye caught an ad saying "Looking for a few good people who want to make a difference in someones life". I read the ad and thought, well if I have a resume left I'll send it in. I stopped in the computer room on my way back to bed and in the file one, just one resume remained. I jotted a quick cover letter, put it in an envelope and on the mailbox. I got called 10 days later for an interview. I went and was never expecting the interview that I got. It wasn't one on one. It was a seris of mini interviews with both employees and people we support. Questions that aren't typical but either is our agency. I left feeling good and the next day I was called and offered the job. The director of the agency later told me that my answer to his question about "Tell me your greatest accomplishment in life" melted his heart and knew instantly that I was someone he wanted to work with. (I'll add that answer at the end). I started there November 1, 2003 - 8 months after Randy Lee passed away. I started off part time, quickly went to full time and last year was promoted to team leader of community RRS. My heart is in this work. There is not a doubt in my head that paper was on the island that day, with that ad exposed for the sole purpose of telling me to live. Newspapers never were in my kitchen - Jack never read them until he came home from work - for some reason, that day he opened it before he left and simply dropped in on the island.
I've supported some very ill people who are now in control of their lives, living on their own and understanding their illness. Moving a person into their own apt when a year prior we were trying to get that same person to understand why you need to wash your hands is a great feeling. Having those people come back and see me, stop me in a store or send me a note saying "I can't tell you how much I love you and thank you for saving me" ~ "I was so angry at you when I first moved in and now I know you're my angel" ~ "You taught me to love and live again".... and so much more. That's why I'm still there even after the tough days when I'm driving home thinking "I could work at McDonald's and say do you want fries with that". :)
That day the director was my last interview. He was solo and after telling me a short, sweet version of the program he asked me "Tell me who you are - large or small, personal or group experience that has made you the person you are sitting before me". I answered quickly "Motherhood ~ being Randy Lee's mom forever". He smiled and I thought "oh great, wrong answer". He asked me to add to that and what about it that impacted me. Again without thought (sometimes my filter goes away ... lol) "Holding that baby that I created in my arms for the first time and the feeling that I knew I would always love him and be connected to him. Watching him grow into this amazing young man, cheering him on in his sports, helping with homework, seeing how loving he was to others. The day I was looking at him and knowing that somewhere in there my son was still alive in the darkness that took over. Watching him, battling with him and against him to fight an addiction. Letting him know that no matter who he was, he would always be my heart. Watching him lose that battle and having a feeling no mother should ever, ever know. Seeing his name on a bronze headstone for the first time and feeling the tears roll down my face and drop onto that stone knowing I would never hold him again. That ~ that is why I am who I am today. I'm hurt, wounded, sad yet I have to live my life. I need to share his story so if it helps a single person make a different choice his death is not in vain. So, Randy Lee is why I am here. I am here because he showed me love, he showed me anger, he showed me loss but most of all he showed me that no matter what, I'm his mom and I must not allow myself to quit". It wasn't until a year later that I knew he had heard me tell Randy's story at a local "fight addictions" seminar. He didn't place me until I gave my answer and he said he knew at that moment "You have the skill to help - the one we can't teach, the one you can't learn ... you either have it or you don't ..... welcome to our team".
My heart tells me I was led on this path. I know I get signs and I am a believer in them. No one can change my feelings on that. I've met some wonderful people doing this work, had some of Randy's friends pass through and others that were more difficult to deal with. I'm here, 10 years later and I'm here. I'm paying it forward for Randy Lee ... The Starfish Story .... you can't save all of them but to the ones you help, you make a difference to them".
Randy Lee's birthday just passed and like always, I take that week as vacation. I do the same for his angel date in March. I never know how I'm going to feel so it's just better to remove myself from work and have that time to allow myself to do what I need. Every September my agency has a Rememberance Day for anyone in our "family" that has passed during that previous year or just anyone we need to acknowledge we remember who has helped us. This year the day was my second back to work. On part of our land, we planted this beautiful oak tree since it's a sign of strength and lives on and on. It's surrounded by some benches and a large stone with an etching "no one is truly gone who lives in our hearts". We all gather - employees, people we service, local clergy and have a simple service where we share. When you hear people who honest to God have no other person in their life look at you and say "thank you for saving me during this loss" it lets you know that you are on the right path. Hearing stories of loss, coping, strength from someone who walked into my program 2 years ago wanting to die and now standing strong ~ lets me know I am where I belong. Saying a silent prayer beneath this huge tree and getting hit in the head with an acorn the moment I think "I love you Randy Lee and miss you so very much" did make me smile. 30 mins beneath an oak tree and 1 acorn falls on my head .... oh yeah, my mind goes straight to "signs" :)
I used to work for the board of education. I worked with "problem" children or those who needed support in the classeroom. I loved that job. I loved going to school every day and working with the kids. The joy of seeing a child experts said would never talk know his ABC's to say and by sight. It was rewarding as well. I tried to go back to this work about 6 months after Randy Lee died. My heart wasn't there. I just couldn't do it. So I stayed in my depressed mode a tad longer until one morning I went to the kitchen to get some tea and the newspaper was laying on the island. It was folded but my eye caught an ad saying "Looking for a few good people who want to make a difference in someones life". I read the ad and thought, well if I have a resume left I'll send it in. I stopped in the computer room on my way back to bed and in the file one, just one resume remained. I jotted a quick cover letter, put it in an envelope and on the mailbox. I got called 10 days later for an interview. I went and was never expecting the interview that I got. It wasn't one on one. It was a seris of mini interviews with both employees and people we support. Questions that aren't typical but either is our agency. I left feeling good and the next day I was called and offered the job. The director of the agency later told me that my answer to his question about "Tell me your greatest accomplishment in life" melted his heart and knew instantly that I was someone he wanted to work with. (I'll add that answer at the end). I started there November 1, 2003 - 8 months after Randy Lee passed away. I started off part time, quickly went to full time and last year was promoted to team leader of community RRS. My heart is in this work. There is not a doubt in my head that paper was on the island that day, with that ad exposed for the sole purpose of telling me to live. Newspapers never were in my kitchen - Jack never read them until he came home from work - for some reason, that day he opened it before he left and simply dropped in on the island.
I've supported some very ill people who are now in control of their lives, living on their own and understanding their illness. Moving a person into their own apt when a year prior we were trying to get that same person to understand why you need to wash your hands is a great feeling. Having those people come back and see me, stop me in a store or send me a note saying "I can't tell you how much I love you and thank you for saving me" ~ "I was so angry at you when I first moved in and now I know you're my angel" ~ "You taught me to love and live again".... and so much more. That's why I'm still there even after the tough days when I'm driving home thinking "I could work at McDonald's and say do you want fries with that". :)
That day the director was my last interview. He was solo and after telling me a short, sweet version of the program he asked me "Tell me who you are - large or small, personal or group experience that has made you the person you are sitting before me". I answered quickly "Motherhood ~ being Randy Lee's mom forever". He smiled and I thought "oh great, wrong answer". He asked me to add to that and what about it that impacted me. Again without thought (sometimes my filter goes away ... lol) "Holding that baby that I created in my arms for the first time and the feeling that I knew I would always love him and be connected to him. Watching him grow into this amazing young man, cheering him on in his sports, helping with homework, seeing how loving he was to others. The day I was looking at him and knowing that somewhere in there my son was still alive in the darkness that took over. Watching him, battling with him and against him to fight an addiction. Letting him know that no matter who he was, he would always be my heart. Watching him lose that battle and having a feeling no mother should ever, ever know. Seeing his name on a bronze headstone for the first time and feeling the tears roll down my face and drop onto that stone knowing I would never hold him again. That ~ that is why I am who I am today. I'm hurt, wounded, sad yet I have to live my life. I need to share his story so if it helps a single person make a different choice his death is not in vain. So, Randy Lee is why I am here. I am here because he showed me love, he showed me anger, he showed me loss but most of all he showed me that no matter what, I'm his mom and I must not allow myself to quit". It wasn't until a year later that I knew he had heard me tell Randy's story at a local "fight addictions" seminar. He didn't place me until I gave my answer and he said he knew at that moment "You have the skill to help - the one we can't teach, the one you can't learn ... you either have it or you don't ..... welcome to our team".
My heart tells me I was led on this path. I know I get signs and I am a believer in them. No one can change my feelings on that. I've met some wonderful people doing this work, had some of Randy's friends pass through and others that were more difficult to deal with. I'm here, 10 years later and I'm here. I'm paying it forward for Randy Lee ... The Starfish Story .... you can't save all of them but to the ones you help, you make a difference to them".
Replies
This truly is an inspiring story. YOU. ARE. AWESOME. It is very rewarding to know one has made a difference in someone\'s life. As a teacher I have received several \"Thank You\" cards and notes over the years, mostly from parents, but the few from the kids themselves are very special.
The past three years I have been speaking to 8th graders at the school I worked in - gratefully retired now ;) - and hope that what I said about Jason\'s life and addiction will make a difference in at least one kid\'s life.
Keep up your good work. Love, prayers, and hugs, Sharon