Finding help
I have a therapist that I don't really like I really don't I'm feeling alone on the edge of a cliff w no one & nothing to catch me. She will reply to me " well you are & you don't " lol. I'm not one for tough love. Can you tell?
i had the idea to go back to my old therapist who I had a falling out with a couple of years ago. My fault. Details unessecary. I miss her & she checks all my boxes... accepts my insurance. Check. Knows me for more than 15 years Check. Empathetic. Check.
I miss her. I called her early & expected to get her voicemail & instead I woke her much to my humiliation. I agreed to call back & leave my info. I'm still waiting to hear from her & afraid I won't. I'm afraid of a lot of things. I'm proud of myself for having this idea & for following through on it. Little things. Big things.
the flip side is no therapist.
my husband does not beleive in therapy.
Despite not liking my current therapist I no longer have a way to pay her past December. She wants me to ask my mother. Not happening
so dear old empathetic therapist or no therapist
i nervous. I'm scared. I'm waiting for the phone to ring.....
move been advised that I should journal. So I thought I'd start w what's front & center in my mind. Not earth shattering or poetic but here it is
Replies
Hey, yeah(!), here it is and it is great to see it. I'm sort of thinking you should feel lighter in spirit, at least a bit. And your words don't have to impress anyone, just record what's on your mind at the moment, uncover lightly or deeply. Just as you mention, what's on front and center is perfect for right now. I am so pleased with you for starting a journal! (applauds!)
D-d, I don't really care about tough anything either, so, yeah, I agree with you. Tough love is wild...I figure it should...and some approve of it, some don't mind the hurt, 'cause good can come out of it at times, which is a breakthrough moment. However, if you are feeling nervous and scared while waiting on the call back from your therapist, why is this? Why is this so unbearable? Just sort of want to know more about you.
Lots of love to you today. Have a great weekend. :-)
Writing it out releases it from floating in your mind.
Here's to finding what works for you. The way the therapist comments are floating is very telling and you're doing the right thing in making a change.
And, husbands often do not believe in therapy. Quite a few people I know do not believe in it. When I tell them I was in long term therapy for three years, they often ask me questions once they realize that I don't care if they believe in it or not. It worked for me in the sense that I obtained my long term goal and I am able to function within normal range whether or not I'm in "distress" or 'acute' anxiety mode.
Best wishes.
...just to add to Mid's words, D-d, I had an in-law who didn't believe in a psychiatrist, and when his daughter got mentally and emotionally sick it was embarrassing to him. Thing is, he was as mentally ill as she was. Then he was the type more interested in everything going his way. I imagine in his mind that just being her dad should be enough for her, and perhaps it would have if he had not been such a demanding person, which I personally believe demanding family issues are the cause of many emotional and mental issues in people.
So when your husband does not believe in therapy, it's only okay for him to think this, that is, if he's not encouraging you to give up your treatments because of his doubts or unbeliefs. Truth be told, therapy is real hardball and you have to pay more attention to self matters during this time so support at home is equally important. I think that taking your husband into a few therapy sessions with you may help him to grow better in understanding your needs, give it a thought too. As Mid tells you, therapy works in the sense that you may obtain long term goals and function within the normal range. So true. Your husband may be pleasantly surprised by what he learns as he travels the course with you with faith in your treatment.
Then there’s my mother. Lol lol. She believes that I need therapy. She needs it more than me but she does not. We have a tumultuous relationship & shes now old & set in her ways my old therapist said I should set her straight but I cannot. She believes I need tough love whether I like my therapist or not. She also believes it’s time to let go of my mental illness. She doesn’t beleive in mental illness & she doesn’t beleive in me. Maybe she does but she believes in a different version of me. I’m trying tho. I’m trying very hard. I really really am
I believe that you are trying very hard. And I agree with you that your mother believes in a different version of you. These are fine thoughts you have. Shows healing! And then you may see when at times where your mind is responding wiser it becomes a threat to her and your mother's attitude grows negative and condescending to you. Her idea is that keeping you as weak means that she's stronger than you, which she wants. So, if she is showing a lack of trust in your therapy, then this is only because she does not want to own her part in your struggles, all the miserableness, and stuff she left on you to deal with as her child. The research clearly shows that poor relationships with parents are indeed responsible for a great deal of mental and emotional anguish. And true it is, most likely, that your mother is in need of therapy just as you see it. And mental illness does not go away just because a person wills it to leave, not that easy - I wish it was, but she is incorrect to imagine you can just will it away. Though I credit you because you are the one trying to figure out what this sadness with life is and not her. Keep going strong. There's never anything more important than you in this matter; this is your time of healing. You must think of yourself better than want she imagines of you.
Hugs today!
I love what you said & I really truly appreciate it. It’s certainly something to think about. Thank you. For your insight & empathy
Sure thing! <3 Keep up the great effort. It's all about you. :-)
remiah - that guy sounds like my dad. yes, it only adds to the stress when you have a parent like that (and the other one) that only wants to focus on you and your issues, but not want to acknowledge any of theirs or do anything about it. we should help ourselves, but they don't have to. kinda just makes you feel even more crazy. and it definitely doesn't help as they get older.