Finally Friday
What a long week this has been. Work has been really slow. It's either feast or famine for me and the famine just drives me crazy. So, this morning I have nothing to do. Can't keep my mind off of Gene. Ready to burst out in tears again. I was laying in bed this morning thinking about how I have no one to share all those year's of memories with anymore. No one to talk to about all the wonderful year's we spent together and all the things we've done.
Don't have any plans for the weekend except maybe try to do some house cleaning. I just haven't been motivated to do much of anything.
Don't have any plans for the weekend except maybe try to do some house cleaning. I just haven't been motivated to do much of anything.
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It sure has been a very long week. Yesterday was the day from hell that continued when I got home. Accident before the bridge so the back up was bad.
I know your pain is bad right now and I know how hard it is for you it has just been a little over a year for you so the pain is still very fresh and real. There is no magic wand to wave to ease this. I wish but everyone handles grief differently so do what is right for you. Some things that did help me were I did get on the email list to some grief support groups they are really not that bad. I thought it would be all 80 + widows but I was so wrong , many young women and lots our age who all have lost husbands. They meet somewhere local and everyone will bring a dish or some wine and it is always 99% women. It is nice to meet other women in the same boat as me and express feelings and even have a laugh. They send monthly updates with activities that they may be doing that month, so if you want to get out and go just rsvp and go. If you don\'t want to you do nothing which is the part I like. Sometimes I feel like going somewhere but by that time comes I may be in one of my depressed states and just want to be left alone. But this may be something to help ease a little of your pain. Sometimes the email will just say we are all meeting somewhere for dinner or a Happy Hour after work and we just get together like that. I find it breaks up the emptiness at home.
I love to talk about my husband and unless you are with others in the same situation people find it uncomfortable to talk about him. So I started to realize after about 6 months people expected me to be over and done with it. Well it is almost 3 years and it is far from over in my life. I have memorials set up in my home to honor my husband. One in my living room one in my bedroom, I do all kinds of things I know most people would think I have totally lost it but it is what gets me through each day without him. I know he is not coming back but for the first 2 years or so I think in my head I thought he was just away and would be back. The dreams were so real I would wake up all happy to go finish talking to him only to find I was dreaming now that is my worst time I really lose it all over again. But anyway I hope if nothing else I brought a little smile to your face talking about all my crazy things I do. I know Gene would never want the love of his life to hurt like you are right now it would break his heart just like yours is breaking. I promise the last crazy thing I sometimes do is when I am really down I will go buy about 5 balloons and go into Michael\'s and create my own ( I am horrible at colors) cemetery arrangements. I go to his grave open my trunk and start tying to play florist lady and make a fresh new arrangement. I will trim the grass around his stone, wipe it all down and start decorating his grave. Then I talk to him and tell him I still love him more than life itself and I tell him I am sending him some colorful cheer and I let the balloons go and watch to see where they go. Sometime just 1 balloon will hang around I know that is him, it will stay near me forever before it just floats away. Then I take photos of my arrangements before I leave. Now is that a crazy lady or what? I know you have to be laughing at that. Well I hope so cause if you smiled once then my boring goofy stories worked. Take care dear friend and we will get through this. One step at a time. Take care and have a smile today.
I\'m sorry you are having a rough time but I had to let you know I love you - never forget that ok?