finally back
well it has taken me forever to get back on and journal and i have needed too
. though it has been so long i dont know where to begin. i have ben having intensce feelings of being ugly and fat, though the scale says i am the same, a "healthy" weight. i dont like myself or my body, so much loose skin it is disgusting. i so want to look gaunt again, just a few pounds but i havent done it. i get headaches if i dont eat, and with my work schedule i dont eat dinner till 9:30 at night!! i should go wothout, most nights i get home not even hungry but eat anyways, is is comfort, habit? i am struggling with work, high stress and anxiety, i can transfer to another store with day time hours and get out on time and it wont be as physical but my stupid conscious is keepig me where i am, though i know i can transfer. we are so short handed and i dont want to screw my workers, but i am only hurting myself. so confused, bitter, angry and self loathing
Replies
So good to hear from you, but I am sorry you are struggling. I have had some similar difficult situations lately as well. So many things have changed and I should really get back on here as well. You're in my thoughts and prayers, and remember you are number one. You always come first. Sometimes you have to do what's best for you even it means things may be difficult for your co workers for a little bit. They will make do.
Welcome back, Ann! I've missed you! I wish I knew the right words to say to help you feel better about yourself. I've forgotten...have you been seeing a counselor? I see one to deal with my feelings of self-hatred and BED. I hope it helps a little to know that you have friends, like me, who care. Love and hugs, Judy
Welcome back! I'm here off and on. I'm sorry you are struggling... call me if you need me. I'm glad I was there for you the other day when you called.... I'm starting to get that same mindset that I'm fat (well, I am... no denying that at 235 pounds) and need to stop eating so much. I don't know if it's my meds, but I'm really hungry all the time. I have been eating too much and late like you. *hugs* We are in this fight together!
so great to hear from u guys!! it felt good to journal again and to read my comments, they all mean so much to me. i lost it at work yesterday, my manager asked me if i was alright and i said no, then started crying like a baby, couldnt stop kept saying i cant do this anymore. he said again that he understands and he knows the company isnt helping him with getting help, and i need to do what is best for me. so i told him i am telling the store manager to call the other store and get the transfer set up, its only been since september that i have wanted it!!! i am having dificulties with a friend who is an alcholic with mental illness and he has been out of work so much over the past 6 weeks, today i am picking him ujp from the hospital to go to a 30 day program. i dont want to do it, i am sick of it all, but he has no one else and deep down i care for him, its just he has impacted negativelly my life and others so much. well enough rant, hugs all