Feeling Blue
It's been a tough ride still. I miss Gene so much and have dreamed about him for the last two nights. I hate waking up to the fact that he's not there. The dreams are so real and so comforting, then reality strikes again. I've been battling a horrible depression for the last couple of months and all the drugs and counseling in the world don't seem to be helping. Will I ever accept that he's gone? Will I ever have a life again? I just don't feel that way today. I felt so bad for my son yesterday knowing it was Father's Day and thinking of how he must have felt. I think I called hime four times just to check on him. I talked to him this morning and he said it was kind of rough, but he was busy at work and that helped him alot.
Not much happening at work this week. Put in a lot of hours last week but things are pretty quiet this morning. I'll be taking some time off this week. I'm going to take a trip to New Jersey this weekend to visit with friends from high school. That is if I don't have a panic attack and then decide I can't do it. That's been happening to me alot lately. The kids wanted me to go to Hershey Park with them on Saturday and I'm kicking myself for not going. Instead I stayed home because I was feeling so anxious the night before. But on Saturday all I could think of was how much I wish I had gone with them instead of staying home and feeling sorry for myself. Times are just hard.
Not much happening at work this week. Put in a lot of hours last week but things are pretty quiet this morning. I'll be taking some time off this week. I'm going to take a trip to New Jersey this weekend to visit with friends from high school. That is if I don't have a panic attack and then decide I can't do it. That's been happening to me alot lately. The kids wanted me to go to Hershey Park with them on Saturday and I'm kicking myself for not going. Instead I stayed home because I was feeling so anxious the night before. But on Saturday all I could think of was how much I wish I had gone with them instead of staying home and feeling sorry for myself. Times are just hard.
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I think its good that you are planning a trip this weekend. Maybe it will help ease some of your anxiety. I went to NYC to meet my son after DH passed, and it was really hard. But I got through it. And actually felt pretty good after. My neighbors are always asking me to go here or there, and I always turn them down, for a lot of the same reasons you have - anxiety. I\'m working with my counselor on it, so hopefully it will get better.
Oh go to NJ (for me) I lived there and miss it so much. I also think it will be good for you to get out of the house. I wish I could help your pain. I know this is so hard. But know, you always have a freind in me. I\'ll give you a call later in the week, ok?! Forever here for you! XOXOXOX