Feb 1st - day 30

Today marks 30 days since I stopped smoking.  I am doing pretty well and only occasionally feel like I really want one. 

Overall, I continue to feel sad, lonely, depressed.  It's a weird time for me.  This final project class is a little strange and I just want to work on getting somewhere with it this weekend.  The closer it gets to the whole thing being over, the more impatient I am. 

He and I have been bickering a lot.  Whether it is from the quitting smoking thing or that I am just in no mood to put up with his crap and tend to snap back...hmmmm...probably both.

Yesterday the dentist told me I had 4 more cavities.  I'm still paying off what I charged on the crown.  I'm super short since I started making the car payment.  Trying to discuss it with him only led to escalation.  I said I had hoped there would be extra money now that we were not spending money on cigarettes.  He snapped that there was no extra and that he hadn't expected I would be going to the dentist 7 or 8 times.  It immediately set me off.  Hell...it's not like he's going through 50 dollar bottles of whiskey like it's soda or anything.  Yeah that conversation was going nowhere.  Then he proceeded to tell me how I was giving the dog too many green beans when I was snapping them for dinner and that is why she's been throwing up more lately.  I'm sorry, I don't believe I can be giving her too many fresh veggies.  Just because shit is not done his way does not make it wrong. I asked if we were still planning to go to Oregon, he got snappy.  when we tried to talk about meeting my brother and the kids down in southern ca later in feb it also only escalated and he finally snapped out that he would just stay home and I could go by myself...yep.. i said, I knew that was coming. 

So be it.  We do everything else separate..why not that too. 

I'm super busy at work which helps the time pass.  just have to keep my head down and get through this semester.  Sunday was the first time in a while that he drank so much that he started to get to the annoying stage and almost went out laying on the floor.  Huh,  I almost got rusty dealing with that.  ...yep, hadn't missed that one at all.  this too, shall pass.