Fathers day

This is another holiday that's starting to upset me.  I'm not a father. I will never be a father.  I see my nephew so close to my brother in law saying " I love you daddy"all the time and while it's really adorable, it also makes me sick to my stomach.  I will never have that. At times it makes me fell like crying.  If things were different I would love to have a family.  I think I would be a great father and also husband.  But with being messed up in the head and mentaly ill, I know that will never happen.  I'm a mess I could never be emotionally there for a family.  Plus I don't get enough money from disability to support a family.  So, while I would like one, it wouldn't be fair to them.  Sadly, I haven't even had a girlfriend since high school and I saw what hell I put her through when I first got sick,  why should I do that to anyone else?  So, I guess it's loneliness for the rest of my life.  In the past I've asked some women out on dates, but they all shot me down. The nickname I was called by the girls in high was "stud".  It made me feel so good about myself when females would turn their head at me.  Then I gained weight after being on Clozapine.  Now that I'm off of it. I've currenlty lost alot of that, fifty pounds in fact, I guess now I'm not too bad looking.  Maybe all that shot me down because they can somehow tell that I have mental illness.  I've now accepted all this.