Falling back again

It never seems to end, the grief, the pain, the heartache of losing Gene continues everyday.  The holidays only make it worse and seem to set me back by months.  The 4th of July was especially hard as that is when we first moved in together and all I can remember is all the wonderful, romantic, happy times we spent there.  I was alone on 4th of July which didn't make things any easier.  Then yesterday I couldn't even get out of bed.  I cried all day and today isn't much better except I did make it to work.  Now I'm sitting here bored to death with only thoughts of Gene running through my head.  1 year ago I would have thought that things would be getting easier by now, and many things have changed.  But the pain is still there and I miss him more each day.