Faith in God
Slowly by slowly, I am refinding my faith in God. He is slowly turning my eyes a bit more from looking inward at my pain to looking outward, at His wisdom and love. I have to trust Him if I am ever going to survive Sinza's death. This is a do or die thing, like the lepers in the bible, who decided if they stay where they were, they would surely starve to death..but maybe if they went into they Syrian camp, they could still die, but per chance they could get food. So today I am going to start praying, if at first I dont have the words to say, I will still just get into a praying position and say nothing. This is nothing new to mw, I dont know how many times I have visited Sinza's grave only to tell her "Honey, Mummy has no words." She must think her mummy a psycho sometimes! So now I am also God's psycho. Wish me luck!
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I do wish you luck honey, even when we feel abandoned by God we can\'t lose our faith. People like us will never be able to understand why we can\'t have our babies, only God knows and understands that. I didn\'t know how to talk to God either for a long time after my loss, there were a lot of times I just screamed at God and asked why, why, why WHY?! But I think He will understand if you become overwhelmed and feel angry. You have been through so much and it is so unfair that you are at this place in life right now, so I think starting with just sitting with His presence is more than enough for now.
I\'m praying with/for you.
Thank you June for the encouraging words. A friend bought me a grieving stillbirth mom\'s devotional journal, and it is helping a lot with this \"keeping the faith project\". A gal can only try, and then leave the results up to God.
I will be praying with/for you too!
Sinza\'s mummy.
xoxo!!