everything is falling apart
Everything is falling apart.
My best friend is in the hospital again and I am a mess.
I love her.
I started taking 1/2 my meds- that didnt turn out well, so 2 weeks later i went back on them full. bad side effects. dont do it.
My weight dropped 4 pounds to a dangerous level- under 100 again over the past two weeks yesterday. I had no idea. It was a shock to everyone. Not even when I used to starve myself had it ever dropped that much that quick. And I have been eating very well following my meal plan minus a supplement. Jill knows all I eat. Joanna left on vacation today and so in our session yesterday she wanted me to be admitted IP immediately. She made me call my mother. My mother screamed and yelled at me. My parents refuse to let me go IP. They say it’s a waste of time and I need to do it for myself. Agree.
Bottomline they have said that I have 4 weeks to gain 6.25 pounds otherwise they are canceling the wedding.
I hate my life.
I have eaten more than I thought imaginable plus 2 supplements and many powerbars. I have to gain the weight. But I’m not doing it for me. I’m doing it because I have to. For Carlos and my family. For everyone coming to the wedding. I think I look fine the way I am.
I fucking hate my life.
My best friend is in the hospital again and I am a mess.
I love her.
I started taking 1/2 my meds- that didnt turn out well, so 2 weeks later i went back on them full. bad side effects. dont do it.
My weight dropped 4 pounds to a dangerous level- under 100 again over the past two weeks yesterday. I had no idea. It was a shock to everyone. Not even when I used to starve myself had it ever dropped that much that quick. And I have been eating very well following my meal plan minus a supplement. Jill knows all I eat. Joanna left on vacation today and so in our session yesterday she wanted me to be admitted IP immediately. She made me call my mother. My mother screamed and yelled at me. My parents refuse to let me go IP. They say it’s a waste of time and I need to do it for myself. Agree.
Bottomline they have said that I have 4 weeks to gain 6.25 pounds otherwise they are canceling the wedding.
I hate my life.
I have eaten more than I thought imaginable plus 2 supplements and many powerbars. I have to gain the weight. But I’m not doing it for me. I’m doing it because I have to. For Carlos and my family. For everyone coming to the wedding. I think I look fine the way I am.
I fucking hate my life.
Replies
i am very worried about you. good thing you started journaling again, so we can support and hopefully help. there must be a reason for this dramatic weight lose, you need to think deep down. is there a reason you are not concerned about yourself and only eating because you have to? this is a big issue, you have to want to be healthy for you and only you. you can do this, fight ed, hard!!! hugss
I journal daily- just at home on paper. There are a lot of things going on. the girl that is my best friend now who I like on a deeper level went back into the hospital. That has been really difficult for me. Relationship shit going on. The wedding stuff. The move. The job is getting boring. I think everything finally caught up to me. But I believe I am at the weight I was two weeks ago again...I think it was just wrong. it really made no sense. but this still means i have weight to gain...i fucking hate it. its so difficult.
i feel like im going nowhere in life. i dont see things changing. i dont see a future.
i also stopped taking my meds two weeks ago for about 10 days which really fucked me up...well i didn\'t stop but i cut it in half. that was bad