Empty

that is the word for everything, everything in existence for me. empty. this is less than even the buddhist veiw of emty, it's so empty it's not worth existing for, and i want to stop existing, because all existence has shown me has been pain, dissappointment, and lies.  suffering period.  I'm just done, today I'm just done, no I'm not going to do the dirty word we all shy away from cause we don't want to send panic all over the country or alert anyone who is monitoring our computer activities, not today, I'm too weak to go do what I need to do in order to have the ability to do what needs to be done to make all this stop, all of it, cause I don't want any of it, life is a lie, there is no joy, there is no celebration, there is no happy ending, what there is, is lies, deceit, dissappointment, and nothing real except pain. I'm done with pain, I can't even feel that anymore.  so i must work to never, ever ever ever get my hopes up for ANYTHING positive, ever.  maybe I will survive, or maybe I will come to the conclusion that surviving is not worth it. clinging to this trash we call life, not worth it.