Eight Months Today
No matter how good I feel, it's important to remember that I'm only eight months, or 252 days, in.
A year ago, I was spending 4-6 days per week at the casino. I would go sometimes before work, and found it got me so excited I would be there at 6 am, playing alone with maybe one other gambling addict, with the pit bosses and dealers looking at me sadly, like I was this young woman with a terrible problem. I was spending too much money, $100-200 per week. Sometimes I would win, but I would inevitably put it all back. One time I won $600 and went to Nordstrom, bought Jimmy Choos, and put them on and walked around, just so I couldn't return them. The next day, of course I was mad I had bought them and worn them; I wanted to go back and gamble the $600.
My hygiene wasn't very good, looking back. I often look disheveled and unkempt, with haphazardly slapped on makeup (or no makeup at all), unstyled hair, and absolutely no perfume or anything fancy. I wore the same types of clothes: black pants, pull-on shirts and blouses, no jewelry or adornments. I was a good thirty pounds over my usual weight and was exhausted half of the time. I didn't make the time to go to a doctor, and rarely made it to the gym.
Two years ago, I was spending 2-5 days a week at the casino. I was going mainly after work, and I found it helped me to de-stress after business hours. I loved it. I was spending about $1200 per week, sometimes less, sometimes more. Sometimes I would win, most of the time I would win and put it all back and then some. But it was always the same. It was never enough.
I miss it so much sometimes. But I look at my life now: Married, business booming, 25 pounds down, looking better than ever, and I realize that I can't. I miss it like crazy sometimes but it's a slippery slope. I can't risk it.
A year ago, I was spending 4-6 days per week at the casino. I would go sometimes before work, and found it got me so excited I would be there at 6 am, playing alone with maybe one other gambling addict, with the pit bosses and dealers looking at me sadly, like I was this young woman with a terrible problem. I was spending too much money, $100-200 per week. Sometimes I would win, but I would inevitably put it all back. One time I won $600 and went to Nordstrom, bought Jimmy Choos, and put them on and walked around, just so I couldn't return them. The next day, of course I was mad I had bought them and worn them; I wanted to go back and gamble the $600.
My hygiene wasn't very good, looking back. I often look disheveled and unkempt, with haphazardly slapped on makeup (or no makeup at all), unstyled hair, and absolutely no perfume or anything fancy. I wore the same types of clothes: black pants, pull-on shirts and blouses, no jewelry or adornments. I was a good thirty pounds over my usual weight and was exhausted half of the time. I didn't make the time to go to a doctor, and rarely made it to the gym.
Two years ago, I was spending 2-5 days a week at the casino. I was going mainly after work, and I found it helped me to de-stress after business hours. I loved it. I was spending about $1200 per week, sometimes less, sometimes more. Sometimes I would win, most of the time I would win and put it all back and then some. But it was always the same. It was never enough.
I miss it so much sometimes. But I look at my life now: Married, business booming, 25 pounds down, looking better than ever, and I realize that I can't. I miss it like crazy sometimes but it's a slippery slope. I can't risk it.
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fantastic