Eight months

Sinza made eight months three days ago. Ahh, its still very tough, but the difference now is that, somehow, I feel God is with me in my struggle. For the first time in a looong time I don't feel hopelessly alone. I have started reading my bible more, and I have given myself up completely to God. I think of my daughter, every day, every hour. I am practicing seeing her as being very peaceful in God's arms.
My greatest need now is to find any interest in life. Last week I was at a birthday party and the host asked me if I preferred chocolate or vanilla flavored ice cream? And I thought who cares what flavor the ice cream is? That made me realize how much disinterested in life I am right now. I honestly don't care, but a part of me envies those who do.
So that is how life is, eight months after having and losing Sinza.