ECT #32
I had ECT this morning. I have been depressed lately and my next scheduled ECT is for 13 Jul. I could not make it that far for I asked to have any extra ECT today. I am not going from monthly ECT to once every three weeks.
ECT is scary each time it happens. They are doing so much medical stuff to you to prepare you. Medical care like what they do is a trigger for me given some experiences in the navy. One general nurse is working on you for an hour and then the anesthesia nurse comes in and does their thing for about twenty min. You are hooked up to all these machines with stickers all over your body and wires hanging everywhere. And you know they are going to pass enough voltage through you to intentionally cause a grand mal seizure. You are intentionally paralyzed so much that it stops your breathing (they mechanically breathe for you). I guess I would not be a good person to work on the advertising campaign for ECT
Replies
Yikes! ECT scared me. I hope I never get that bad that ECT is considered. Hope it works for you though .
Thor, the process is long, complicated, and exhausting. Wish it was not triggering you, but your strength and perseverance is admirable. It will not be an endless process. You will both survive and thrive once this is completed. I am glad that you have a space between sessions to heal. Hugs.
That sounds like it would be unbelievably terrifying under any circumstance.
I had a thought, you said that you have been depressed lately, is it more fear and uncertainty given that you had to turn in your report today? Than actual depression? I find that if I can name what I am feeling rather than just shove it all under the depression umbrella that that sometimes helps me to have some control and relief. I also find that once I "name it" it no longer seems so huge and vague.
It might be worth asking yourself Why am I feeling unhappy ______ Is there something that I am anxious about_______ What is making me feel out of control ______
Perhaps just allowing yourself to be specific would ease the overwhelmingness of it all.
peace thor. take good care of yourself, you deserve good things.
i think Julie mite be on to some thing
hope ur feelin better
The ECT has undeniably helped my treatment-resistant depression. A dozen different drugs and a year and half of therapy didn't help. I was continually suicidal and I tried twice and attempted once (was discovered in time). This treatment is the gold standard in depression treatment with a high 90% success rate.
I have been depressed lately. This letter hanging over me, therapy digging into my PTSD and problems with my wife have all been driving me down again. The ECT is scary but it yields a good result. There are side effects that I have not suffered which I am thankful for but that gives me another reason to endure ECT for the benefit. God is it scary when it is happening.
I hope that you start to lift from the depression soon sweetie.... ECT has helped so many people... I hope that it continues to help you... Big squishy hug....xo
The deadline for that letter was yesterday, wasn't it, Thor? Hopefully getting past that is one hurdle overcome. It's no wonder you asked for an extra ECT at this time. Your self awareness as to why is admirable. It's so good you don't have those side effects you mention so you can get the benefit. Here's hoping you got that benefit today.
Muji-That you for the response. I got the letter out to my employer and now I have to wait and see if they need any additional info. I'm self-aware, but I also think I spend too much time in my head and I exacerbate problems. And yes, I am glad that I have not suffered any of the bad side effects that I researched on YouTube. I do know that I am getting unipolar ECT vs bipolar ECT. The bipolar had more side effects associated with it.
As the Tom Petty song put it, Thor, "the waiting is the hardest part" sometimes, isn't it? Here's a link to him singing about it with Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnTE1dlJCFA
It's hard to commit to helpful distractions like this that will relieve the mind of dwelling on it too much. Obviously, since I quoted a song about it here, music is the way I fill the time so I won't obsess while waiting for some sign of things to come, like when I get blood drawn for tests to see how my chronic kidney disease is going. I look for songs about the topic itself, like this one about waiting. My therapist got me into being my own DJ playing the soundtrack in my head to whatever's going on in my life as a way of processing my feelings. It helps me realize I'm not alone to know not only has someone written about how I feel, but that there's an audience out there who took the time to think about how I feel, too.
It's silly, I know, but to channel my brain into that helps work off some of my excess energy. To channel some of your energy around ECT into those Youtubes on side effects seems to have helped you, huh? Glad you were able to confirm that there are side effects you're not having. By the way, I didn't know there was unipolar ECT vs. bipolar ECT. It looks like you're really fortunate getting the former rather than the latter.
Muji - Thanks. I need to try music or something. I am like a cornered rabbit when they are working on me. It is not just a simple IV but all this other stuff. You know you feel dehumanized. You are something they are working on like an old car or something. Just a number in the assembly line they have set up. I have this one horrific scene that replays in my head. It comes from a movie called "The Island", one scene there is a doctor delivering a baby then the nurse who is smiling the whole time, quietly puts restraints on the new mother. Then the doctor injects a deadly poison into the women who can no longer move. He smiles also. That fake smile they give us when they are trying to keep us calm. The doctor didn't want the women but the new baby. I see and feel that scene each time I am in a hospital.
Next ECT - 13Jul
Try grounding techniques Thor..... You can look them up online … I always use my favourite room... Describe talking out loud your favourite room.... The colours, textures., furniture, art etc and you'll be surprised how fast it helps to calm the anxiety... There are others however this you can use while laying on a stretcher
An anesthesiologist works with anesthetising you and they are very well trained physicians … They have countermeasures for problems that rarely arise Thor
This is their daily job so they do smile and it's truly not fake... They are well trained and wanting to help you... I worked in oral surgery for a number of years and we gave general anesthetic all day long.... I've never seen anyone not wake up … I liked my job and I cared about my patients.... We all did or we wouldn't have been there
Gentle hug.... I also worked in a psych facility where some patients had regular ECT and I've never seen anyone not come back healthy
I'm sorry that you saw that awful video... . Deep breaths..... I'm glad that you can feel it helping you....xo