Dreaming of Gene

Having a bad morning today.  I had a dream last night that Gene was lying next to me in bed and I could actually feel his arm around me.  It was so comforting and so wonderful and then I woke up and the reality hit me like a brick.  I don't know how much more sorrow and grief my mind and body can take.  I had to force myself into work today and then I got here late.  I'm missing too many days of work and it's starting to affect my finances.  Some days I just don't have the will to force myself out of bed.  I miss Gene so much I just cry and lie around.  Nothing gives me pleasure or peace.  I'm still running on auto pilot, just going through the motions of life.  I don't know what to do anymore.  Nothing seems to make a difference in how I feel.  I go back to see the psychiatrist next week so I'll talk to her about all that's been going on.  Maybe I need a different medication.  I really need to get away for a awhile but I don't have any leave at work.  Maybe I could go out on short term disability for a couple of weeks and just run away.