Dreaming of Gene
Having a bad morning today. I had a dream last night that Gene was lying next to me in bed and I could actually feel his arm around me. It was so comforting and so wonderful and then I woke up and the reality hit me like a brick. I don't know how much more sorrow and grief my mind and body can take. I had to force myself into work today and then I got here late. I'm missing too many days of work and it's starting to affect my finances. Some days I just don't have the will to force myself out of bed. I miss Gene so much I just cry and lie around. Nothing gives me pleasure or peace. I'm still running on auto pilot, just going through the motions of life. I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing seems to make a difference in how I feel. I go back to see the psychiatrist next week so I'll talk to her about all that's been going on. Maybe I need a different medication. I really need to get away for a awhile but I don't have any leave at work. Maybe I could go out on short term disability for a couple of weeks and just run away.